Just a Shell
by StrawberiPai
Summary: When Donatello hears his brothers talking about his weight, he misunderstands and thinks that they dislike him because he isn't as athletic as they are. To earn their respect, he starts a 'diet' that could seriously hurt him. Warnings: Anorxia/Bulimia
1. Chapter 1

**Just a Shell**

When Donatello hears his brothers talking about his weight, he misunderstands and thinks that they dislike him because he isn't as athletic as they are. To earn their respect, he starts a 'diet' that could seriously hurt him. Warnings: Anorxia/Bulimia

* * *

Donatello was embedded in the soft light of his computer screen as he tapped the keys in his lab. It was late afternoon, and his other brothers where training but Donnie had to work out some kinks he noticed in the security system the last time he had Raphael try to 'sneak in'. The rest of the room was dark, so the computer screen was the only source of light in the room. He kept tapping away at the keys, finding the smallest deficiencies and correcting them so nothing could possibly catch him and his brothers off-guard.

If he could contribute anything to his family, he was happy for it. He may not be the best fighter, but he wasn't really as interested in ninjutsu training as his brothers. He'd much rather be working in his lab. Besides the snide remarks from his more rebellious brother Raph, everyone was pretty much okay with that. He still attributed to the family, just in his own way.

He was so busy sealing up the small issues with security that he didn't notice that anyone was behind him until there was a clatter, then he turned around quickly.

"Mikey don't just run around in here without looking!" he said, but he was smiling. Michelangelo hadn't knocked over anything costly and it wasn't broken.

His three brothers had entered the lab without him noticing, and his eyes jumped to the clock. He'd been tapping at his keyboard nonstop for the last two hours while his brothers where in the dojo. He hadn't meant to miss the ENTIRE practice, just a bit of it.

"We missed you at practice." Leonardo said. He seemed a little bit angry, but not much. Donatello knew that ninjutsu meant much more to him then the rest of them, so he lowered his head a bit.

"Sorry, I was working on the security." he said, looking over to the screen. "The last time I had Raph try to get in, he was able to get pretty far without the sensors detecting him."

He didn't mention that most of the intruders, even members of the Foot Clan, were not as skilled as Raphael and there was only a small chance that these bugs would ever really put them in danger. But the fact that Donnie was working on something important seemed to sway Leo's mood a bit and he smiled.

"Well, if you get those worked out I'm sure Splinter will let you off the hook." he said. Donatello nodded and turned back to his computer.

"April and Casey are coming down tonight with pizza, you in?" Mikey asked, jumping over, more careful this time not to hit anything.

"Sure." Don said, still typing as he looked up at Michelangelo. He didn't want to seem antisocial, though he was sure he sometimes came off that way. "I'll be right out."

It was about twenty minutes later, after his brothers had already left the lab, that April and Casey arrived. He sighed, stretching and linking his fingers together to snap them Two and a half hours of non-stop work did the trick, he was aware of their approach about ten minutes before they were even near the lair. He smiled and sat up, stretching his legs as well. He sighed, looking down at his screen and shaking his head. Too much work, he needed a break anyway.

He walked out into the living room, and saw that Raphael and Michelangelo where fighting over the remote, which wasn't unusual. Leo was talking to Casey, and April to Splinter. Everyone had a slice of pizza in their hand already, except Splinter. He must have already eaten, Donnie thought as he sat down next to the two feuding brothers, not really caring what he watched, but secretly hoping Mikey would win and they'd watch some sci-fi.

"Hey Donatello!" Casey said, nodding over to him as Donnie helped himself to some pizza, starving because he'd missed lunch.

"What's up Casey?" He asked, just as Raph started making the fight for the remote more physical. He scooted away a bit to avoid the feud.

"Nothing much, did you fix what you wanted to with the security? Leo told us about it."

Don nodded and ate the pizza happily, watching some action show that Raph had picked out after threatening to burn all of his younger brother's comic books. The night went pretty much normally, after they ate they played video games for a bit, and then around eleven he realized how tired he really was. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before since he was working on Raphael's motorbike, and now he was just wiped out.

"I'm gonna hit the hay guys." he said, standing up and yawning. "I'm beat."

The rest of the guys nodded and he headed towards his room. He took off his bandana and put it on the nightstand before collapsing onto his bed. He felt like his arms and legs were made of iron. He sighed, closing his eyes tightly before finding a nice comfortable position and slipping to sleep.

* * *

He woke up a few hours later with his tongue completely dry. He didn't want to leave the sanctity of his room, but he was so thirsty that it really couldn't be helped. Donatello flipped back on the lights and started towards the kitchen when he heard voices.

"He skipped practice just so he could sit on his butt for two hours doing nothing." He heard from Raph, and he instantly knew that they'd been talking about him.

He didn't turn the corner, he wanted to hear what they had to say. He could tell his father was already asleep, he wouldn't have let Raphael talk that way. Casey and April had probably left a few hours ago, as well.

"That's not fair." Mikey said, and Donatello smiled. He could always rely on Mikey to stand up for him. "He was fixing the security, you heard him. He was protecting us."

"Yeah, and the second we mentioned food he was done." Raphael said. "Sounds fishy to me, like he just wanted to get outa training."

"I know what you mean, but I'm sure that he didn't mean it like that." Leo said.

"He's lazy." Raph said simply, and crossly. "All he does is sit around on that computer all day and eat. You guys must have noticed how much he just ate. He acted like a pig. Startin' to look like one, too."

There was a long period of silence. Donatello still hadn't moved, but he leaned against a wall. He knew what the silence meant. It meant his brothers agreed, but didn't want to say anything. Donnie looked down at himself. He didn't feel like a pig, and he didn't eat any more then his brothers had…

"I'll talk to him tomorrow, make sure he knows that skipping training isn't okay." Leo said sternly. "But don't talk to him about the other thing, it might upset him."

'The other thing', he said. Donatello bit his lip. 'The other thing'. The fact that he _"looked like a pig"_. Suddenly no longer thirsty, he walked silently back to his bedroom. He didn't want any of his brothers to hear him and know that he had been listening to everything they'd just said. He went back into his room, almost stunned, and sat on the bed.

'_I'm not really fat, am I?'_ he asked in his head. He knew that he wasn't as active as his brothers, but… What Raph said, it was so cruel. Raph had probably eaten even more then him! He had just eaten fast then his brothers because he'd missed lunch…_ 'But… I don't exercise as much as they do, so… I really shouldn't eat as much as they do, either.'_

He looked down at his floor and lowered his head. He didn't know what to think, except if his brothers really agreed that he was what Raphael had said, how could he argue? Leo and Mikey didn't stand up for him when Raphael said he was like a pig, and if he _wasn't_ like a pig, they would have, he knew that… He sighed again, not wanting to actually believe what he'd just heard.

'_It's simple, really… I just have to lose some weight. There's nothing hard about that._' he thought smiling a bit. _'I just have to train more, use the computer less, and eat __**a lot**__ less to make up for it. Then my bros will forgive me for this.'_

Donatello smiled at his reasoning just as he heard his brothers heading to bed. It was nearly two in the morning, but he stood up. While they were asleep, he'd train for _three_ hours. Two hours for the training he missed, and an extra hour to work off dinner.

'_This will work.'_ he told himself, sneaking down to the dojo. _'It has too.'_

* * *

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you liked this story! I hope chapter two will be up sometime by the end of the week, because I'm really liking this! But hey, if you like this, you'll really like the story that inspired me to do it! It's called "Skeleton Appetite" by Puldoh, and it's on fan fiction! Since it sparked the idea, it's kind of similar but I really hope that it has a lot of really distinct differences since it's two different characters who will carry the situation differently. ANYWAY, all of Puldoh's stuff is awesome and I suggest it to anyone who likes this kind of TMNT story!

Now, as far as the story goes, I like it. I took another shot at Puldoh's style and decided that short, frequent chapters are better then long chapters because it seems that I never get around to updating my stories when I set the bar too high, so lets hope this works! R&R please!


	2. Chapter 2

Just a Shell

Chapter Two

* * *

That night, Donatello did not fall into bed until five-thirty in the morning, exhausted. He was able to keep from waking up his family during training by creating a sound barrier, but making the barrier took up a half-hour of his time. He still trained for three hours, and as a result he was exhausted when he finally did allow himself some time to rest. He didn't even bother taking off his protectors, he was so tired.

The next morning, Don woke up at almost eleven-thirty. He wondered, for a brief moment, why no one had woken him up for breakfast, but then shook it off. He didn't need breakfast, anyway. He'd eaten enough yesterday, and he wasn't hungry.

'_They probably just figured I was being lazy, sleeping in.'_ he thought dejectedly. He didn't want his brothers to think of him as the indolent one. _'No wonder they didn't wake me'_

He sighed and sat up, but didn't turn the lights on. He wasn't sure how he could face his brothers after what had happened yesterday. They didn't know he'd heard, but that didn't matter, he was still embarrassed. He stood up and flicked on the lights, he didn't want to just sit in the dark all day. As he stood up Donnie realized he'd been so tired he had never taken off his protectors from training and took them off before anyone saw. If it wasn't bad enough that he was so embarrassed, what would his brothers say if they knew he was trying to lose weight? They'd probably laugh at him for acting like a girl about it. He stretched out a bit and stepped from his room, straight into the living room where all of his brothers were.

Leo and Mikey were playing a video game, but Raph was nowhere in sight. He looked around and came up behind his brothers.

"Where's Raphael?" he asked.

"Training with Splinter." Leo said. "In the dojo, why?"

"No reason." Donatello said.

He tried to sound like he really didn't care, but he was disappointed. He wanted to use the dojo while his brothers were busy, but not if Raphael was there. He wasn't angry at his brother for what he said, but he knew Raph was better then him at anything physical. If he messed up, he didn't want to get laughed at.

"Wanna play?" Mikey offered, holding out the controller.

"No thanks." Donatello said, shaking his head. "I'm gonna go to the lab for a bit."

He shrugged off his brothers and went into his lab, not knowing what else to do. He promised himself he wouldn't be in his lab so much, since that seemed to bother his brothers, but what else was he supposed to do? He didn't belong with them, really.

Sure, every once in awhile Michelangelo would come in and offer to play games with him, but besides that, ever since Donatello started spending more time in the lab, no one really cared that he was gone. He didn't really mean to do it on purpose, he just had a lot to do in the lab for about two weeks, and he was constantly busy. Once he had finished everything and was just sitting there, he realized that his brothers didn't really notice he wasn't around, so he kept hanging around in his lab. He didn't feel really comfortable around his brothers anymore. Whenever they hung out, he felt out of the loop, like he was intruding.

He never felt that way before, and he didn't really know when it started. From his lab he heard is brothers talking, and he wanted to join in, but couldn't make himself leave. He got nervous and started working on something else, using it as an excuse not to socialize with the people he cared about most. After none of his brothers seemed to notice, it somehow became the norm. He spent all of his time in the lab, if not training or eating.

At first, he just thought that it was because he seemed to busy. His brothers didn't want to bother him while he was working. He _thought_ they were being considerate.

But now different thoughts occurred.

As he sat down in this computer, he let out a breath. What if they didn't want him around at all? What if it was all about his weight, how he wasn't as strong as they were? He never had been, really. He tried to keep up with his brothers, but they were all so brilliant at what they did, they had such… 'natural talent', he guessed. Every one of them where perfect at what they did, and they all had that fire inside of them.

Leo of course had the passion, he loved ninjutsu and he was their leader. Michelangelo had his raw energy, and his want to always keep moving. Raphael had his drive from his anger, and he had such a competitive nature… What did he have? He wanted to protect his brothers, of course, but the same could be said for all three of his brothers. Donatello lowered his head.

'_I don't have any fire in me… I don't have any real drive… So I got out of shape, I guess.'_ he thought. He flipped on his computer and stared at the blank monitor for a bit. _'But I can just train harder from now on, and they won't even notice.'_

He sighed, looking at the clock. It was noon now, they didn't train until about eight, but he figured he'd go in right after Raphael was done. He'd just tell the guys that he was making up for yesterday, since they didn't hear him training last night. He didn't like lying to his brothers, but he'd have to if he didn't want to get humiliated.

"Hey Donnie!"

It was Michel, standing at the door to the lab and hanging off the side. He was hyper, it was obvious because he was talking fast.

"We're gonna grab some grub, you want some?" he asked, smiling through his orange headband.

Donatello didn't have to think for a moment, not after hearing what Raph had said last night. Knowing full well that Michelangelo agreed completely made it hundreds of times worse.

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks." he said, smiling over.

"Okay, but if you get hungry come out and grab somethin'." his brother offered. Donnie just nodded and turned back to his computer. "Hey Donnie?"

Donatello turned back around to face his brother.

"Yeah?"

"Uh… Don't skip practice again today, okay?" he asked, sheepishly. "Raphael got kinda mad."

"I won't." Don promised, trying to sound normal. Mikey smiled and left the lab, and Donatello opened a folder on his computer, the blueprints for Raphael's bike engine, he was trying to make it faster.

'_Ouch._' he thought, half sarcastically and half actually hurt. It was laying on kind of thick, not Mikey himself, but the whole situation. He tried to ignore the hurt and went back to work. _'Well, at least he wasn't as blunt as Raph, but jeez…'_

* * *

About an hour later he heard Raphael's voice in the living room and checked the surveillance in the dojo. It was empty, and ready to be used. He smiled and stood up, stretching upwards. He had been trying to keep his mind completely clear while he worked, ignoring Mikey's salt in the wound. He knew his little brother hadn't meant it in a bad way, he didn't know that he'd eavesdropped on their conversation. If he had, he wouldn't have said anything, because Donatello had already gotten the point.

He started to the dojo, and wasn't stopped on his way through the living room. No one really saw him, since their focus was on a video game they were playing. When he got to the dojo he closed the door and locked it, he didn't want anyone coming in and startling him.

The next two and a half hours were filled with stretching and exercises, hitting punching bags, and practicing his moves. He would have kept going, but there was a knock on the dojo door, and he stopped instantly. He wasn't supposed to lock the door, he knew that. He stopped what he was doing and ran over, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He opened the door and saw Splinter standing there.

"My son, you know the dojo must stay open for anyone." he said.

"I'm sorry sensei. I must have locked the door out of habit." He lied, feeling guilt build up in his stomach. He didn't like lying to his brothers, he _hated_ lying to his father.

"It is okay, Donatello." he said, looking around, obviously wondering what his son had been doing but he didn't ask. "You're brothers were worried when you were not in the lab, they are looking for you now."

Donnie blinked, but didn't say what he was thinking, which was: _'If their eyes were even open, they would have seen me walk by…'_ But he held it back and smiled.

"I'll go find them, then." he said. "Thank you."

He hurried away, hoping his father hadn't noticed anything, and went to find his brothers. They were in the living room still, but they didn't really seem worried like Splinter had said.

"Hey guys." he said, smiling at them. They all looked over and smiled, except for Raphael, but he really didn't expect him too. "Splinter said you were looking for me?"

"Yeah, where were you?" Leo asked.

"I was in the dojo, sorry." He said, shrugging. He didn't see any problem _telling_ his brothers he was training, as long as they didn't watch him. "What's up?"

"We were thinking of going topside to visit April and Casey, wanna come?" Raphael said, he was smiling now which made Donnie feel a bit better.

"Sure." he said. "Just let me take off my protectors, I'll be right out."

He ran into his bedroom and took off his protectors, putting them away. He did it pretty slowly, thinking. If they were going to April's, it probably meant they were gonna eat at some point, it occurred to him.

'_Raph probably thinks I only agreed because of that…'_ he thought. _'But he smiled when I said I was training… I'll just prove that it's not for the food, I just won't have any of it.'_

Donatello smiled and walked out to his brothers. He didn't looked directly at any of them, however. He wondered if that's what they really thought, that he was just going to eat. They headed out, telling splinter they'd be back before practice. Donatello tried to keep his mind off it, but every time his brothers looked at him, he felt like he was being laughed at. They reached April's house and let themselves inside, greeting their friends. April was standing to greet them, Casey was on the couch, eating some Chinese, which made Donatello look away quickly. He'd skipped breakfast, and lunch, so he was extremely hungry.

"Hey Donnie." April said when she got to him. He just waved a bit, wondering if he should have come anyway. He could have said he had other things to do, or he wanted to keep training. That would have been better. He could have asked Splinter to go through yesterdays training with him. Splinter is kind, he would have.

"We got enough for everyone." Casey said.

Donatello tried to turn it down nicely, without bringing attention to himself. It worked, no one asked. Mikey looked at him, but didn't say anything. Don just shrugged back and said he wasn't hungry, hoping Michael would buy that even though he was actually starving.

While his brothers ate, Donatello leaned against the couch and watched television. He pretended not to smell the food, and secretly hoped his brothers noticed he didn't eat. He wanted them to know he didn't come for the food. After awhile he excused himself. He needed some air, without the smell of Chinese food in it. He couldn't leave the house, but he walked to the farthest room from the food, which was April's.

He sighed and walked around, making sure not to touch anything, he didn't want to be caught in a bad circumstance. Then he looked across the room. There was a full-length mirror hanging off the wall, and he could see himself.

He never really looked in mirrors, he always figured he looked the same. But this time he tried to see it, what his brothers must be seeing. Okay, so his legs where a bit thicker, and so were his arms, but that didn't make him a 'pig', did it? He sighed and sat down on the bed, looking away from his reflection. Maybe he could see what his brothers were seeing, but he didn't want too.

'_If I just keep this up for a few weeks, I can win them back, I know it.' _he thought, cradling his hand in his hands. He was tired. He didn't get much sleep last night.

* * *

A/N: Well, this chapter is longer, but I actually had much more that was supposed to happen, but that'll be NEXT chapter. Leo still has to have his say, and training. I hope this is still realistic, and not going to fast! Please R&R if you like it!


	3. Chapter 3

Just a Shell

Chapter Three

* * *

When Donatello went back to see how his brothers were doing, they had finished off the food. He smiled a bit from relief, it there had been anything left he may have proved Raphael right then and there. He was so hungry he couldn't stand it, but he hoped it would pass. After a bit more TV watching they figured they should go back to the lab since Casey and April where going out and, obviously, they couldn't go with.

After saying goodbye to the two of them, the team headed back to their home for the rest of the night. It was about six when they arrived home, and Donnie headed straight for his lab so he wouldn't be tempted by the kitchen. He sighed and walked over to the motor he was designing to Raphael, it was just started, so it was mostly parts.

It was only fifteen minutes later that he heard someone knock on the door. He turned and saw Leonardo standing at the door, which was open. He always left it open, no one ever really knocked anyway.

"Hey Leo." He said, leaning against the table Raphael's new motor was on. "What's up?"

He already knew what Leonardo was there for. He had been thinking about it all day. Last night while they were talking he _had_ said he was going to come talk to him today about it. Donatello didn't want to have to talk about it, he already knew what the problem was and he was going to fix it.

"I just wanted to make sure you were coming to practice later." Leo said, trying not to hurt his brothers feelings. He knew Raphael was just overreacting, and told him so last night before they went to bed, but he should still talk to Donnie about it, right? "I mean, you can't skip out again."

"I won't, don't worry." Donatello said. He didn't bring up the extra training he'd been doing, it felt like it wasn't enough anyway. "I'm sorry for missing it yesterday, I got distracted."

"It's fine." Leo said, nodding his head to try to show Donnie it wasn't a big deal. "So what are you working on?"

"Raphael said his bike was too slow, so I'm trying to make it go faster and work out a few kinks." Don said, smiling. He liked being able to help out, even if it was something as small as that bike.

"That's cool, what are you going to do to it?"

"Make it lighter." Donatello said, looking at the motor. "That'll make it much better, I think.""Well that makes sense." Leo said, obviously loosing interest now. Don just looked back at the motor and then over o Leo.

"I'm really sorry about practice yesterday." he said, trying to show Leo how sincere he was. "I didn't mean to make anyone angry."

"It's fine, Raph was really the only one mad, and that wasn't about you." Leo said, looking up from the motor as he recalled how many times Raph had messed up during practice, but he didn't mention that to Donnie. "But what if Splinter attacked and we weren't all at our best, you know? We need to be able to watch each others backs no matter what, even if we don't want to train every day."

"I understand." Donatello said, crossing his arms insecurely. He didn't like being thought of as the weak link. "I won't do it again."

Leonardo smiled, thinking the matter was finished. He didn't notice his brothers averted eyes, as he headed out of the lab to go check on his other brothers. He also didn't notice when Donatello followed him out, and started to the dojo. He wanted to get in just a bit more training before the others showed up.

He needed to warm up. He and his brothers all trained with Splinter once a day, and he didn't want to mess up and have them say things about him again. He had 'warmed up' for about an hour before the real training started. Of course, his warm up had been more extreme then their normal training even would have been. His brothers looked surprised that he was the first one there, but didn't say anything. How were they supposed to know he had been here for an hour now?

"We looked for you in your lab." Leo said, smiling. He must have been happy that Donatello showed up early. Donnie just smiled.

"I just came early." he said, not letting them know he'd been practicing. He didn't know why he didn't want to tell them, he just didn't want to. Something held him back. Maybe secretly he knew this was going too far, but he didn't let that part of his head register.

"Let us get started then?" Splinter asked, smiling at the young turtles.

Practice went as normal. First they warmed up, then they started actual training. Mostly exercises, some shadow-fighting, and some practice against each other. Donatello mostly lost, though he held his ground pretty well. He beat Mikey once, and Raph once as well, but they both creamed him enough to make up for it, and he didn't stand a chance against Leo. He felt like he was going to die by the end of practice, having already trained so much before. His brothers didn't know that, however.

"Common Donie! You're bettah then this!" Raph yelled when Donatello fell after a kick from Michelangelo. He was coated with sweat, he could barely stand. It was the fifth fight in a row. "Get up!"

Don nodded and tried to stand, but fell back to his knees instantly. Mikey stopped fighting, none of his brothers would hit any other when they were down. It _was_ just practice, after all.

"That's enough." Splinter said, nodding. "Let's all take a break."

"I don't…need… a break." Donatello said between gasps. His brothers just looked at his with disbelief. He looked down, embarrassed at his failing.

"I'll get him some water." Leonardo said, ignoring Donatello's words. Mikey walked over and offered his hand, which Don took without looking up.

They sat him down on a bench while he drank the water. He didn't like being treated like such a weakling, but he _was_ the one who couldn't stand. He hated it. An apology made it's way to his lips, but he didn't even start because he realized just _how much he'd_ been apologizing lately, which made him feel even weaker.

"Don't worry about it." Leo said, obviously understanding what Donatello was feeling. "That was, like, six fights in a row. Anyone would be tired."

"Anyone but you guys…" Donatello said without thinking about it.

No one tried to correct him, since they had all fought just as many times against each other. Why was it so much harder for him? Donatello sighed and gulped down a bit more water while Splinter announced that practice was over for the day. His brothers didn't leave, they stayed by his side. He felt like a complete weakling. The fact that he was already drained from not eating and exercising beforehand didn't factor into his logic anymore.

* * *

A while past and Don assured everyone that he was fine. They left to go do their own thing, leaving Donatello alone in the dojo. Leo stayed for a bit longer then the other two, worried about the purple-sashed ninja, but Donnie didn't feel like talking. He turned down a snack and opted to stay in the dojo. Leo nodded and took the hint to leave, and though it took Don awhile before he was able to get back on his feet, he instantly went back to training once he could. Splinter and the others where gone, but he could practice by himself. He had a one-track mind. He had to be as strong as his brothers, or he'd be cast aside.

'_I already might as well be a ghost in this family anyway.'_ he told himself, thinking of all the times he was pushed into the background. _'They'd be better off without me holding them back.'_

He sighed, taking some breaths after practicing his flips for the tenth time. He was getting dizzy, and he felt like he was about to fall, but he kept his balance.

"You're still in here?" he heard from behind him. Don turned, and Raph was standing against the doorway, watching him.

"How long have you been there?" Donatello asked, surprised. He didn't like being watched very much.

"Since you tripped during that back flip awhile back…" Raphael said, looking him over. "What's wrong with you, Donnie? You're really off today."

"I don't know, man." Don said with a sigh. He lowered his bo. "I keep screwing up. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Take a break." Raphael suggested. "You need it after getting your butt handed to you."

Donatello knew it was a joke, and smiled a bit to hide what a blow that was to his pride. He hated the way Raph was treating him. Even if he _was_ weaker then normal.

"I'm gonna train for just a little while longer, then I'll go to sleep." he told his brother, lifting his staff again. "A little extra training never hurt."

"How's the Shellcycle?" Raph asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Dude, you just trashed the engine, like, a week ago. I'm good with technology, but I'm not a miracle worker." He smiled and stretched a bit. He needed to, anyway, after four hours of non-stop exercise. "I'm working on it."

"Sorry for trashin' it." Raphael said. Donatello just laughed a bit. Raph broke _everything_ at some point or another.

"It's fine." Don said, itching to get back to training, but he couldn't force himself while his brother was standing right there, watching him.

Raphael was thrown off for a second, not sure whether to take it as a blessing that he wasn't getting yelled at, or to worry that something was seriously wrong. Donatello always at least had a lecture ready for him when he crashed his creations.

"That's it?" He asked, quirking his eyebrow-- or where an eyebrow would be if there were hair there.

"Far be it for me to call you a hothead… _again."_ Donnie joked, though his heart wasn't in it. He wanted to _train._

"You okay, Donnie?" He asked, genuinely concerned. He didn't like it when things where abnormal, and Donatello was acting pretty strange.

"I'm fine." his brother replied, picking up his staff. "Just wanna practice, you know? I've been pretty pathetic with my training today."

Raphael shrugged and turned away from Donatello, ready to go eat. After a second he turned back around.

"Wanna spar? I'm bored anyway." he offered, since his brother seemed so interested in training anyway.

Donatello thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. He didn't need to be embarrassed again, even if it was just the two of them. He already knew Raphael was better then him, he didn't need to be reminded by having his butt handed to him in a fight (again).

"No thanks, I'm just gonna practice for, like, twenty minutes." he lied. He planned to practice well into the night. Raphael just shrugged and walked away, wondering about his brother_._

* * *

A/N: Sorry this chapter was so late! I meant to mention LAST chapter that I was going to an Anime Convention, but I figured this chapter would be out before I left, but I was wrong. ; Sorry about that. Also, sorry I think this chapter is a few paragraphs shy of what I normally do but I hit a wall, so hopefully the next chapter will make up for it! Okays! Review review review! 3 Thank you for all of the positive feedback, by the way! It really helps put a fire under my bum and keep updating! I'm sorry if you get this chapter more then once in your emails, by the way. There were some REALLY BAD errors I had to correct (I put Splinter instead of Shredder once, which made me freak out and have to erase the chapter and replace it. XD)


	4. Chapter 4

Just a Shell

Chapter Four

* * *

Weeks past the same. Some days Donatello did eat, but even then he would only allow himself a certain number of bites. He knew what he was doing was wrong, that he was hurting himself, but even the intellectual side of his mind didn't care after what he heard his brothers say. He wanted to be stronger, faster, better, even if it meant sacrificing. A few days ago, Splinter had managed to get an entire tray of sushi, knowing it was his sons favorite food, but Don only had a few small pieces and decided to 'save the rest for later'.

Splinter was worried about his son. The other turtles had not yet noticed, though perhaps Michelangelo had some suspicions. It was true, Donatello was always the quietest of the bunch, always lost in his own thoughts. But he had never skipped meals like he had been, and although his son tried to hide it, Splinter noticed how much Donatello had been training as of late. And yet, the purple turtle still was behind in practice, most likely because by the time practice started, he'd already been worn out. After a week or so of silence, he finally decided to talk to his son.

He found Donatello in the dojo, which was now more common then finding him in the lab. He had stopped locking the door, but closed it, which was still against the rule. The dojo was always supposed to be open, but Splinter opted not to speak of that yet. Right now, he was worried for his son, he could reprimand him later. He opened the door and watched from the frame as Donatello trained.

He was in a ready stance, his bo outstretched in his hand. Splinter recognized the stance, he was practicing kicks. Pivot, kick, return. He did this five times in a round kick, then five times in an arc, and then switched legs. Splinter watched. His form was amazing, but there was barely any force behind them. He would have assumed that Donatello was simple practicing form, except he let out his breaths with each kick. He was using most, if not all of his strength.

Then came the hook kick, which Donatello also did well. Splinter tried to stop watching his technique and instead see his son for what was really happening. His face was flushed, his grip on his staff shaking, his breaths shallow. He stepped forward.

"Enough, Donatello." he said, holding up his hand. "You must rest. How long have you been practicing?"

Donatello was startled, knocked off balance. His head spun, but thankfully he caught himself, unlike earlier that morning when he got dizzy after he got out of bed. He had fallen right onto the floor, but he was fine.

"Just under an hour, Master Splinter." He lied. He had been in the dojo for a good three hours now. It was easier for him to lie now. He had been doing it for almost two months.

"You are flushed." Splinter said. "Sit with me, my son. I'll make us some tea, we have something to discuss."

Donatello's breathing stopped, but he nodded. He was scared. He couldn't take it if Splinter found out what he'd been doing. He _knew_ it was wrong, but he couldn't admit it. In his mind, he rationalized it. He was only making up for lost time, he was eating less, sure, but he drank more water, and he was already overweight, right? So he couldn't cause any _real_ damage… He knew that wasn't true, but he let himself believe it.

He was led to Splinters room, where the tea was already waiting, and sat down. He picked up his tea, ignoring the trembling of his hand and concentrating on not spilling any. Splinter sat down across from him and took his own cup, hands graceful.

"I've been noticing that something has been troubling you, Donatello. You've been eating less, and training more frequently." he said in a obviously concerned tone. "Why is this?"

Donatello was silent for only a moment.

"I've been training because I feel like my muscles have gotten weaker…" he said, thinking it through. It wasn't hard to come up with other reasons. "And I have been eating, I just don't eat with the family as much because I'm concentrating on training and working in the lab."

His voice sounded confident, as if it were the truth, but Splinter wasn't sure. He had a feeling something was wrong, but didn't know why his son would lie to him. Donatello was one of his most honest sons, and considering that most of his sons were rather honest…

"I believe you, Donatello." Splinter said. "But you are harming your body. From now on, I would like you to inform me whenever you use the dojo. I know that this may seem unfair, but I do not want you to tire yourself before our real practice begins, or hurt yourself."

Donatello paused, he didn't want to make his father suspicious. He nodded and bowed his head.

"I understand." he said, smiling for his sensei. "I'll try to be more careful."

After a few seconds Splinter nodded as well, but in his heart he feared...

* * *

Soon after talking to his father, Donatello headed to the lab, distraught. How was he supposed to get better, help his brothers, if he couldn't train? He shut the door to his lab for the first time in a long time and sat down at his computer. He didn't bother to look at the screen, too lost in his own thoughts now to work.

'_If I can't use the dojo, I can just try working out in my room…' _he thought, sighing. _'But I won't be able to __**practice**__ without extra space.'_

He took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the new plans for Raphael's bike. He really couldn't figure out how to make it work and go as fast as Raph wanted it at the same time, but he knew he'd get it eventually. He heard a knock on the door and sighed. It was probably the guys telling him it was time for dinner. Lately Mikey seemed to have to tell him every single time they were eating, not that Don minded too much, he didn't like being badgered, but it was nice that they noticed. Even if he did refuse most of the time, which his master, obviously, had noticed.

The rest of the guys hadn't, too much. They thought Donatello was just working really hard on the bike, even Michelangelo believed that. He just thought it wasn't healthy to care so much about a stupid bike, but then again Donnie was kind of a geek like that and the fact that his bike wasn't going as fast as Raphael wanted probably really bugged him.

"Yo bro!" Mikey said, running in. "We're gonna order some pizza, what kind do you want?"

"I'm not really that hungry." Donatello said, grabbing his screw driver to 'fix' something. "You guys go ahead."

"You will eat with your brothers, Donatello."

Donnie turned, seeing Splinter standing in the doorway, both hands holding his staff. His eyes were serious, and Don knew that arguing was a bad idea. But then again, he was doing a lot of things lately he knew were bad ideas.

"I can eat some leftovers later." Donatello said, turning back to the engine. "I have to try something with this…"

"You will eat with your brothers." Splinter repeated, and Michelangelo watched, moving his head back and forth. He looked baffled. Donatello was one of the only brothers who _never_ spoke back to Splinter. They all respected him, but Raph, him, and even Leo had spoken back, while Donatello usually trusted his master unquestioningly.

Donatello paused, his shoulders tensing. Did Splinter know more then he had let on earlier? Or was he just being careful now? He didn't know what was going on in his masters head, but he was scared, and angry. If he didn't want to eat, why was that anyone else's business? Shouldn't Splinter be happy he's not eating junk anymore?

"All right." he said, not turning around. "I'll just have cheese then."

Splinter nodded and left the door frame, knowing he did what had to be done. His son did because easily distracted when he had something on his mind. Splinter still didn't understand why his son was training so much. Maybe he was trying to keep his mind awake by keeping his body busy, but whatever the problem was, he had to find out before Donatello did any real damage to himself. Michelangelo just stood at the door, confused.

"So… Did I miss something?" he asked, shrugging in confusion.

"It's nothing, Mikey. Don't worry about it." Donatello replied, getting back to the engine.

"Okay, well… I'll call you when dinner's here, dude." Michelangelo told his brother, looking back, a little worried. He didn't understand what had just happened, but he had a feeling it wasn't good.

About a half-hour past before he was bothered again, this time by Raph. He suddenly felt sick when he knew what was going to happen.

"Pizza's here!" Raph said, giving him a thumbs-up. Donatello didn't know why. Wasn't Raphael the one who _didn't_ want him to be eating?

But he would have to go eat, or Splinter might get angry at him. He didn't want to eat, more then anything in the world he didn't want to eat. Mainly in front of his brothers, who would probably just ignore him the entire time anyway. He sighed and stood up, as if he were walking to his own execution.

He sat with his brothers on the couch while they ate. Splinter, not surprisingly, was there, though he seemed contented to watch the soap he'd recorded while the other three brothers complained that they wanted to watch something. Donnie didn't complain. He was too busy staring at the pizza slice. It was just sitting on his plate, silently mocking him and all his attempts to actually be as good as his brothers at something.

He knew if he didn't eat, it would cause a bigger scene then what happened in his lab. But at the same time, he felt so bad about the last few weeks, all of the lying… Part of him just wanted to tell them all the truth. It wasn't that bad was it? He was just on a diet. It wasn't like he was doing anything wrong. Shell, his brothers would probably even cheer him on. They all thought he was overweight anyway. They'd be proud of him, wouldn't they?

… Or maybe not. He kept his mouth shut.

He finally picked up the pizza and started eating before Splinter noticed his hesitation. He tried to tell himself it was for the best, he'd make up for it later. He honestly tried to enjoy his first actual meal in weeks, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about how much fat must be in the pizza, even the cheese alone meant another hour in the dojo, which he didn't have anymore. Splinter took that from him.

He ate the one slice, hoping no one would notice he didn't eat five or six like the others did, and started to the lab again. No one stopped him, though all four members of his family watched him leave. He didn't notice that, though. He figured they're all be staring at the screen, not his shell.

* * *

"Something's gotta be wrong with him." Michelangelo said, shaking his head a bit. Splinter had gone to meditate. "This is the best pizza in town! It says so right on the box."

As if that was the only proof Leonardo had seen. He had been seeing it, everyone had, really. But the answer was plain as day.

"He's just preoccupied with his geek stuff." Raphael told him, shrugging. "He'll get over it."

"But it's been a few weeks now. Maybe Michelangelo is right to be worried." Leo said. "Donnie's been known to get obsessive, but he's never been unhealthy about it before."

"He probably just eats after we all go to bed." Raph said. "Brain food. Fish and junk."

"That's probably it." Leonardo agreed, smiling. He didn't seriously think there was a problem. Just as long as Donatello figured out whatever he was trying to figure out soon, everything would be alright. He wrapped a brotherly arm around Mickey's shoulder. "He's fine, bro."

"Okay." Michelangelo said, not quite satisfied.

* * *

When Donatello got back to the lab he felt full, and it actually felt… good. But he didn't want to feel good. He wanted to be hungry. Hunger was good for him. It meant that he wouldn't be the slowest turtle. It meant that soon, if he kept trying, he would actually be useful for something other then being smart.

He finally rested his mind after arguing with it all during dinner. He knew what he had to do. What he, really, wanted to do. The thought occurred to him in between Splinter telling him he had to eat and Raphael calling him for dinner. With as much resolve as he could muster, he started out. Too nervous to do something like that inside, with Splinter only a room or two away, he went for a walk. He could get rid of it, out there, in the sewer.

It hurt much more then he thought it would, forcing himself to throw up. He thought it was just one, two, three, and done, but really it wasn't that easy. For one, he never knew he didn't have a gag reflex. Not that he'd ever tested it before, but nothing he could do would make him get rid of the food. It took six tries. Each time he _thought_ he was going to throw up, but it never came. The back of his throat hurt already, before the sixth try when it actually came up.

His already tear-filled eyes squinted and watered more with the stinging pain, but he ignored it. Even though it hurt, he felt better now. At least now he didn't feel guilty.

* * *

A/N -EDIT!- I have replaced all the chapters with Mikey spelled the proper way! Thank you all! This chapter is a bit darker then the ones before it, right near the end. Sorry about that. It was really hard to write, so that's why it's so short. I hope the next chapter comes sooner then this one. I just got a pet bunny. I was gonna name it Donatello, but it's a girl bunny. Sigh So Chi it is. Chi-Chan fits her better anyway, since she's SO tiny! (Only eight weeks old!) So if the next chapter is late, blame Chi-Chan for being so tiny and cute! D_  
_


	5. Chapter 5

Just a Shell

Chapter Five

* * *

Another week past, Donatello ate as little as possible, then went for a walk to clear his head. That's what he told his brothers, anyway. Though it wasn't really his head that needed clearing. He trained with the guys in the dojo, and when he wasn't doing that, he did as much training as he could in the sewers or his room. He didn't let on that he was doing extra training, but even with all of that his performance in practice was mediocre at best.

He was still getting creamed by his brothers, which was getting more and more embarrassing each time. It reached a point where he would actually get angry for losing so often, an emotion he wasn't exactly familiar with. He wasn't angry at his brothers, it wasn't any of their fault that he was the weakest. Even Mikey, who spent more time goofing off then training, was a thousand times more fit then he was. Donatello was jealous, but he loved his little brother too much to be angry. Instead, he turned that anger against himself.

'_It's what I deserve, I was the one who let myself become weak.'_ he would think in the lab, training, and even when he was vomiting, which was becoming too frequent for his own liking. _'I'm disgusting. I don't deserve to be near my brothers, or sensei, or Casey or April. They shouldn't have to put up with my presence.'_

The day after the pizza incident, Donatello knew he was expected to come to lunch. Splinter didn't come when Mikey came to tell him it was time to eat, but he had a feeling by the look in Michelangelo's eyes that if he didn't eat, Splinter would hear about it, if not come in and want to talk about it.

And so he would go for 'walks'. He'd retch, and sometimes, if he felt safe enough, far enough away from home, he'd curl up and cry. Not loudly, obnoxiously, but quietly. A few tears would escape, then he would force himself to smile, wipe his face and think about how silly he was being by crying in the first place. He didn't even know why he cried anymore.

* * *

Donatello lay in his bed, his stomach didn't even growl for food. It had given up on such silly things. Even when he did eat, it wasn't like he kept it in long enough to digest the food. His eyes felt heavy, but he couldn't sleep. His body kept jolting, as if he were falling down a flight of stairs. It made him queasy, but he knew it would be a bad idea to leave his room. Someone always noticed.

Even though it was obvious to anyone who took time to notice that Donatello had lost weight, he felt like he'd gained twice as much as he had really lost. He felt slower, heavier, and he was always tired. He knew that meant he was bigger. He didn't want to be bigger. He was starting to pick up habits he never thought he would. Pinching his arms and thighs, touching his face to see how much of a dent his fingers left on his cheeks, even typing his weight into online BMI monitors. The sane part of his mind told him that those weights where obviously for humans, not turtles, but the rest of him cringed at how his numbers compared.

After awhile, his mind began to concentrate on one thing: Lose weight. Losing weight was all that mattered. His health didn't matter. He could always fix his health, he couldn't get faster until he was smaller. He was slow, worthless in combat, and alienated from his family. And it was all his fault. He was the one who let himself become like this.

He sighed, running one arm down the other, wondering why it was so thick when he had no muscles. Donnie closed his eyes with a sigh. He was bigger, he could tell.

* * *

_He woke up in his room, he didn't know what time it was. The clock had some sort of weird symbols on it that he couldn't read. He rubbed his eyes, but that did nothing. He figured it must be morning and stood up. He didn't get dizzy, but his body felt heavier. He limbs seemed… ticker? Was there less room in his shell, or was it just his imagination?_

_His movements where all slow and gawky as he walked out into the living room, but it was empty. His brothers weren't there, and neither was Splinter. Maybe it was still night time. Maybe he just rested his eyes and thought he had slept… But he had a feeling that wasn't right. He lumbered to Raphael's room, the closest one to the living room besides his own. He felt so slow…_

_When he reached the room the door was open, which made Donnie apprehensive. He had never seen Raphael's door open. Not unless someone was standing __**in**__ the doorframe. He pushed it open the rest of the way. Empty. Not just of Raphael, but the room had been cleared out. The sheets to the bed, his favorite punching bag…_

_Donatello's chest tightened and he looked back to the family room. Why didn't he notice how empty it was? The television, the couch, even the rug had been taken. What happened? He ran as fast as he could to his other brothers room, left in the same state of bareness. Mikey's room was clear of comic books, Leo's had no weapons lining the walls._

'_This isn't right… They wouldn't just leave…' he thought, his chest moving faster. Why weren't they here? Shredder! Shredder must have done something…_

"_Hey Don." he heard, and spun around._

_In the center of the dismantled living room Leonardo was standing, arms crossed, looking completely calm._

"_Leo! They took everything! Where's Mikey? A-And Raph?! They're both just gone! What about Splinter?!" he asked, terrified. Leonardo just smiled._

"_They're fine. We're leaving."_

_Donatello stepped back. That wasn't unheard of, they always moved without much warning, but why hadn't anyone told him? Why didn't anyone wake him up? He didn't bother to ask and turned towards the lab._

"_Just let me get a few things I'll be right--"_

"_Don't bother." Leo said, putting his hand on Donatello's shoulder. "__**You're**__ staying here, Donnie."_

_Donatello turned towards his brother, baffled. None of this made sense._

"_What? I mean… Why?"_

"_You know why, Don." Leo said, staring him directly in his eyes. His eyes were detached… cruel? "We can't have you holding us back anymore. Look at yourself. We can't let your weaknesses be __**our**__ weakness, understand?"_

_The purple turtle looked down athis body. This wasn't right! Nothing was right. He was big. Bigger then he'd ever been in his life. His legs were wide, his arms as well. The holes of his shell confined his body. What was happening?! He wasn't like this when he went to sleep, he wasn't!_

"_Leo I didn't do this…" he stammered, scared. "What's happening? I…"_

"_You __**did**__ do this, Don. You did it to yourself. We tried to help, but you…" He sighed, rubbing his fingers on his temples. "You are just… weak, Donnie. We didn't want to do it this way, but we all knew it was for the best if you don't know where we are. You'd just follow us, right?"_

"_But…" Donatello's eyes were filling with tears. "What… What about Splinter?"_

"_This was his idea." Leonardo said, he started to move closer to Don, but then stepped back again. "You aren't like the rest of us, you know? You're… You're just too bulky. We have to be quick, and you're just not, Donnie. We have to leave you behind now before your failing makes us fail."_

_Donatello couldn't believe this was happening. He leaned against the wall, covering his face so his brother wouldn't see the tears coming. His brothers wouldn't do this. They loved him, didn't they?_

"_Leo, how can you guys just leave me like this?" He asked, his voice strained with tears._

"_Don't you care about us?" The eldest brother asked. "Do you really want to keep holding us back with your weakness? It's __**your**__ problem, Donatello. Stop forcing it on the rest of us. But that's what you've always done, isn't it? If you can't fix it, come to your brothers and they'll do it for you, right? Doesn't matter if your forcing yourself on us. We try to give you a hint and you just keep coming back."_

"_What do you mean?" Don asked, sniffling. He slid down the wall, not uncovering his face. "We're brothers, I thought…"_

"_What do I mean? Are you serious?" Leonardo asked, smiling a bit. "Do you really think you mean anything to the rest of us?"_

_Both turtles stayed quiet, Donatello refusing to breath. It hurt. Every part of his body ached so much he couldn't even weep about it. Tears still came, but no air. _

"_I… I don't… I don't understand." he said, biting his lip._

_Leonardo just turned around, not looking at his younger brothers pain._

"_And you're supposed to be the smart one?"_

* * *

Donatello woke up in a cold sweat, tears sweeping down his face. He wasn't breathing, and for a few moments he couldn't figure out why his torso hurt so bad. He finally breathed in deep, letting out a whimper when he let the breath out.

He sat up and checked every single one of the rooms in the house, making sure his entire family was still home. Making sure they were all peacefully sleeping, before walking back into his own room and sitting on the bed, feeling empty.

'_It was just a dream… Just a dream…'_ he kept telling himself, but he couldn't stop himself from sobbing. Loud, obnoxious sounds of weeping that were just barely muffled enough by his door that all his family were left undisturbed.

* * *

A/N: Well… How about THAT for 'next chapter soon'? I had inspiration, and soda, and I had the energy to write it all down. I hope that none of you were too disturbed by the very blunt dream. By the way, Chi-Chan IS adorable, just so you all know.


	6. Chapter 6

Just a Shell

Chapter Six

* * *

Even though he was still frazzled by the dream, Donatello said nothing to his brothers or his father. He had no idea what they would say if he told them about his dream, but no matter what they did, he knew he wouldn't like it. It seemed their where two options: Either they'd overreact, or they wouldn't care at all. Something in the back of his mind told him it would be the latter of the two, and he couldn't handle that. Not right now.

Two days later, April told them about a rush of break-ins at various pharmacies in town. Small-time stuff, but the police hadn't been able to catch the culprits and they had been stealing medicine that people needed, so the brothers set themselves up to catch them. While Donnie and Mikey took the pharmacy on the north side of town, Raphael and Leonardo took the one on the south. They were the only two left that hadn't been broken into.

The two younger siblings where hidden behind the pharmacy, waiting. They were trying to be patient, but Michelangelo's mind was already wandering and they'd only been waiting five minutes. Donatello sighed, moaning as he put his head in his hands. He was getting horrible headaches lately. They hurt like shell and he didn't know what to do about them. Aspirin had too many underestimated calories. Plus, it was acidic, and even though Donatello was in denial, he knew taking aspirin with no food in him could burn holes in your stomach.

"Hey Donatello?" Mikey asked in a voice too serious to really be his. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Just a headache."

"I wasn't really talking about that though." Michelangelo continued. "I mean… We're all kind of worried. You haven't really been eating much lately."

Donatello thought it out for a moment reasonably, knowing his brother well enough to read between the lines. Mikey probably noticed because Splinter noticed, but he didn't know what was really happening… yet. He needed to work now to make sure he didn't find out later, too. He knew by 'we all' Mikey meant to include his other two brothers, but Don doubted they had caught on at all.

"You guys are overreacting." Don said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I eat after you guys go to bed. During the day I'm just concentrating on the bike and training."

"We're worried." Mikey said again. "Can't you just try to eat more?"

"Why should I do that?" Donatello asked perhaps a little too defensively for his own good.

Michelangelo looked over for a moment, completely stunned at his brothers words. Not the words themselves, but the way his voice snapped when he said them. He'd never really seen Donatello _angry_ before, but he was getting close. Thankfully for Donnie and Mikey, that's when the robbers showed up.

The fight was easy. They were just some stupid thirty-year-old men who got in over their heads. The two turtles alone had the criminals tied up in under ten minutes. While Michelangelo called to their brothers, Donatello strolled through the isles looking at the bottles of medicine. Maybe diet pills would help? Laxatives? That would help him throw up, but he didn't have any problems with that… He looked around, checking to see where his brothers were.

They were in the background, talking about dinner. He sighed, do they ever talk about anything else? It was like they were doing it on purpose. He looked down at the pills and grabbed the one that looked the best. Phenterminsin. He'd never stolen anything in his life, but he _needed_ this. He couldn't ask. Besides, didn't he just help save the store? Just one bottle is a lot better then how much those men came to steal. And he could always come back if he found money, and he would, obviously.

Satisfied with his reasoning, he convinced himself that what he was doing was all right, and hid the pill bottle in his belt. Even though he felt a wave of self-loathing, he couldn't wait to see if it actually worked. If it did, then he'd be able to look his brothers in the eyes again, at the very least.

* * *

A few days after they stopped the pharmacy burglary, Michelangelo was still extremely worried for his older brother. Donatello wasn't acting any better, in fact it was getting worse. In practice he was slow to react, and he would lose his balance easily. Then there was the obvious confusion Donnie had some moments. He would be in the middle of fighting, and perhaps launch himself in the air and be primed to take down one of his brothers, but then he would blink in mid-air, and it was obvious he had forgotten what he was doing, _while he was doing it_. He would fall to the ground without finishing his movement; usually not even on his feet. That wasn't Donnie at all.

Now even his other brothers were getting worried. They were no longer skeptical, it was just fact. Something was wrong with Donatello, and they had no idea what it was. He wouldn't talk to them about it, and when they asked him what was wrong he would just apologize for messing up. Whenever they had dinner together he remained completely silent, and barely moved. This went beyond solving some stupid problem, and all the turtles and their father knew it. But what was wrong?

They had no idea. And the one who usually figured out how to fix everything was the one that needed fixing. That day at practice, it was worse then the others. Donatello wasn't just losing his balance during flips, but even blocking, kicking, anything knocked him off. He couldn't find his center. After they were done, Splinter looked more worried then Mikey had seen him yet, and even Raph looked like he wanted to help his older brother.

"Hey Donnie are you--?" Leo started, but Donatello interrupted him.

"Fine. I'm sorry. My head and… And…" he trailed off. "Sorry."

He left after that, Splinters eyes as well as all three of his brothers eyes, following behind him. Michelangelo was scared, and he was quick to vocalize it.

"There's something major wrong with him, guys." He said worriedly. "He hasn't even been talking right. Donnie never makes sense to me, but he's always finished sentences, right?"

"Yeah…" Leonardo said, still staring at the empty doorframe. "Maybe he's sick? We need to talk to him. If something is wrong we need to know."

Splinter nodded, but he looked unsure. He was worried more then his sons, because deep down he knew what was wrong with Donatello was self-inflicted. His sons eyes gave it away back when they were drinking tea together. His genius son knew what was happening, and he was the one causing it, or so Splinter believed, though he would not share those melancholy thoughts with his sons just yet.

"We should go to his lab and ask right now." Leo said, and his two brother agreed and followed behind, both lost in their own thoughts.

Just as they walked towards the lab Raphael pointed at the door.

"Donnie never closes the door! What's up with that?" He asked.

"He's been closing it a lot lately." Mickey told them, opening the door. He didn't knock, not thinking it mattered. But when he entered the room he, along with his brothers, knew he should have.

Donatello was in the corner, shivering like he was cold, even though the room was pleasantly warm. His eyes were wide, staring at his hands and he looked out of it. His brothers immediately ran over, Leonardo leading them.

"Donnie! Donnie are you all right?" Michelangelo asked, cursing himself for not coming sooner. No reply.

"Come on, man. Stop kidding around." Raphael said, even though he could tell his brother wasn't kidding. No reply.

"Don? Answer us. What's wrong?" Leonardo questioned, trying to be the leader although he was scared out of his mind. Still no reply.

Donatello kept shaking, and it worried his brothers so much that for a moment all of them, even Leonardo, had no idea what to do. Donatello looked completely blank and was starting to twitch faster. Then Leonardo stood up.

"I think he's having a seizure, guys. We have to stay calm, okay? We just… Time how long it is, first." He looked around. "Splinter said we all used to do this… H-He said it might come back… but that was when we were kids."

Leonardo took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"He taught me how to take care of it. We have to loosen all his gear first so it doesn't hurt him." he moved closer and started undoing Don's belt. His brothers took his lead and started removing his arm pads and knee pads from practice. In the process, Donatello fell to his side, still twitching. They put a folded-up jacket under his head, and then Leonardo sat down. "We stay until it stops. Mickey, go get Splinter, kay?"

Michelangelo looked unwilling, at first, but then Leonardo told him again and he sprinted out of the room. Leonardo sat down next to his trembling brother, who was actually slowing down a bit now, but obviously not finished. Raphael seemed afraid to sit down or even move closer to Donatello.

"We all used to do this?" He asked skeptically.

"We had epilepsy." Leo explained. "Probably a side-effect from whatever mutated us, that's Master Splinter had said… It faded when we got older. He didn't think that it would happen again, but he told Don and me how to deal if it did."

"And not Mikey or me? Why the shell not?!"

"_He didn't think it would ever happen._" Leo repeated, just as Donatello stopped moving completely. Leonardo checked his pulse, which was fine.

Donatello's eyes opened, he looked confused.

"What happened?" He asked, starting to sit up, but Leonardo blocked him. "Leo?"

"You had a seizure. Wait here Splinter is coming." Leonardo told him, smiling. "You're fine now."

Donatello looked from one brother to the other, not sure what to think just as Michelangelo came in through the door behind Splinter.

"He stopped." Leonardo said, as if that needed explaining. "It lasted about thirty seconds, but he had started before we came in."

"I see." Splinter said, obviously wary that something wasn't right. "I supposed if it happens again we will have to make sure Donatello takes medication. Though I hope this won't happen again…"

He trailed off, and Donatello pushed Leonardo's hand out of the way angrily. He didn't like being held down.

"I had a what?!" he asked loudly, with more power then he usually spoke. He didn't know where the anger was coming from, but it was coming fast. Leonardo tried to get him to lay down once more, but he pushed his arm away again, with more force. "We grew out of those, remember?!"

"That is exactly why I am worried, my son." Splinter said, coming forward. "It has been many years since this has happened, and it is only you who was stricken, and not your brothers. This worries me. You're health could be--"

"Would you people stop talking about my **health** already?!" Donnie barked in a way that wasn't like him at all. "My health is fine."

"Then why aren't we all doing any freaky dances too?" Michelangelo asked, obviously trying to lighten the mode, but it didn't work, Donatello just glared at him.

"It was probably just a flashing light or something!" Donatello said angrily. "It would have happened to you guys if you were here. Now can we just let it go already?"

"It just happened five seconds ago, Don. It's not time to let it go yet. First we have to make sure you're okay." Leonardo said, offering Donatello a hand up, which Don ignored.

"Like it matters." Donatello muttered angrily. The brothers exchanged a look, not understanding what Donnie meant, but then the bo-wielding ninja continued. "I feel fine. I just need to sleep, is that all right with you guys?"

"No, Donatello." Splinter said, tapping his walking stick on the ground, obviously irritated by his kindest sons attitude towards the family. "You will come with me. I have some tea that will help ease your mind."

Donatello opened his mouth, obviously about to retaliate, but he was interrupted by Leo.

"Go on, it won't kill you. Just go with Splinter and then we can all rest easy."

There was a long silence before Donatello stood up, feeling dizzy in the process, and following behind as Splinter lead him to the other room.

* * *

Short chapters have the downside of me feeling like I gypped you guys. XD Hope the next chapter will be out quickly. It should be, since I'm already writing it. I hope you liked this chapter, though. By the way, Phentermine is a drug found in a lot of diet medication that is extremely dangerous. You'll hear about it more in later chapters, though, so I won't explain Donnie's behavior yet.


	7. Chapter 7

Just a Shell

Chapter Seven

* * *

After they drank the tea, Donatello felt even worse then before. Now, coupled with his headache from his apparent seizure, he also felt sick to his stomach. There were only two calories in tea, Donatello knew from surfing a calorie counting website. But it was all carbohydrates which he didn't need. Carbohydrates are non-essentials in the body, only used to build up fat tissue… Which was the last thing in the world he would ever want. After leaving his sensei's room, he headed over towards the opening.

"Are you leaving, Don? I thought you wanted to catch some zee's?" Mikey asked when he noticed Donatello leaving the house. Donatello paused, then shook his head.

"I have a headache, I'm just going to go for a walk for a bit before I try lying down." he lied like a pro. He was getting _so good_ at it, it sickened him.

Just as Donatello left the room, Splinter entered it, feeling worn and frustrated. Donatello was always the most well-behaved of his sons, perhaps second maybe to Leonardo, but he had never done anything that made Splinter fear for his safety. He sighed, watching his son leave even though he looked so tired.

"Michelangelo… You know I would never have you invade your brothers privacy on a normal basis, but…" He sighed. "I need you to trail behind your brother, and make sure he stays safe.."

"You think he's doing something bad out there?" Michelangelo asked, knowing that was very unlike his responsible brother.

"I suspect, but I can not act on suspicions alone. A good strategist does not make a plan until he knows all of the facts." Splinter said, bowing his head. "You are the closest to Donatello, he confides in you."

"Not lately." Mikey said, bowing his head as well.

* * *

Donatello strolled through the sewers, cursing. The pills hadn't helped at all, they just made it worse. Seizures? He knew that was a possibility, and yet…He took them anyway. How desperate was he going to get? It's not like he felt any faster, he actually had gotten worse. In training he was slower and clumsier then ever. He felt lazy and fat, and he was positive his brothers noticed. He had to get the tea out of him right now, before it digested and it was too late.

He dug into his belt, pulling out the bottle of pills. In the few days he'd had it, he'd already gone through four or five a day. He was so pathetic, he thought, lowering his head. But, even while thinking that, he twisted off the child-proof cap and took out another pill, dry-swallowing it on the spot. Then he shook his head, realizing he was just going to throw up the pill anyway. It was a waste now.

"I hate this." he whispered out loud. His voice cracked and he almost started to cry, but held it back.

He started down the sewer, not knowing that behind him his little brother was in the shadows, making sure he was safe. Donatello walked through the sewers until he felt like he was a safe distance away from his home, and his family. He sighed and crouched down, preparing himself. He had to do this, he told himself. If he didn't, he'd hate himself anyway.

As he moved his head forward, he became dizzy and threw his hand up against the wall to steady himself. When was the last time he digested food? He didn't even _remember_, it was so long ago. A month? Maybe more? Maybe less? He couldn't recall. He always threw up afterwards. He recalled having an orange a week or so ago that he let digest, but he couldn't remember why…

He sighed and put his head on the rock. _Right_. He needed to energy. He wasn't stupid. He had to let _some_ things digest or he'd die. He knew that.

"Why am I acting so stupid?" he asked himself out loud, falling to his knees. He was supposed to be the smart one. He knew this stuff. "I had all of this planned, didn't I? This wasn't supposed to last so long…"

He cradled his head in his hands. He wasn't going to let it control him, before. But deep down he knew that the minute he lied to Splinter and his brothers, it had started controlling him. He shook those thoughts out of his head as fast as he could.

"I can't stop…" He whispered. "I'm not done yet."

And so Donatello gathered up his strength and turned back around, his head better now. He got back into his position and stuck his finger down his throat. It didn't take much to make it happen anymore. He just gave a small signal to his body that it was time to reject the food. His body responded perfectly. It didn't even hurt when it happened anymore. Or it did, but Donatello was used to the acidy pain now. He was so used to it now that it actually scared him a bit.

Michelangelo, still watching from behind, was shocked. It was so blatant that he couldn't even TRY to deny what Donatello was doing. But… Why? Why would Donatello do something like _this_? It wasn't like he threw up by accident, he wasn't sick. He was just… forcing himself to vomit. Why?

Soon he heard Don's footsteps and quickly hid himself again, afraid and unsure of what to do. Could he really tell Splinter what he just saw? He felt bad enough following his brother, but giving away this secret? But… He had to help his brother, didn't he? Telling Splinter was the only way he could do that.

But on the other hand, what if he had really misunderstood? Maybe Donatello _hadn't_ forced himself to throw up. It could have been an after-affect of that seizure, he didn't know for sure. For now, he'd just have to trust Donatello.

'_I'll talk to him.'_ he promised himself. He wouldn't go to Splinter until he knew the whole story, or at least had more to back up his claims.

* * *

Donatello was in his lab late that night, his eyes were getting blurry. He felt like he was going to fall over any second now. He still hadn't finished the bike, and it was killing him. No matter how much lighter he made it, it would never stay balanced enough to actually be used. He decided it was time for him to go to sleep and when he finally was able to pull himself up after the third try, he chalked it up to being tired.

No one had talked to him when he got back from his walk. They all looked worried, but seemed afraid to ask anything, which was fine with Donnie.

Once he reached his room he didn't even turn on the light, instead he just fell into bed. He didn't have the energy to do anything. His entire day had just gone from bad to worse. He closed his eyes and started falling asleep instantly.

Donatello immediately woke up a bit when he heard a small noise from outside his room. He knew his brothers had gone to bed hours ago and most of them were sound sleepers and wouldn't wake up until morning. He grabbed for his staff, but the darkness coupled with his dizziness made it a clumsy one and he almost missed it entirely. Luckily he was able to keep hold of the bo and he turned towards the door. He let go of the staff instantly when he saw who it was who was at the door.

Michelangelo was standing at the door, looking nervous to say the least. There was a moment of silence, and Donatello already knew what was wrong. It had been awhile since the last one, but he never discounted on Michelangelo's night terrors.

"Hey Mikey." He said, smiling. "You okay?"

"… I had a nightmare." Mike admitted. Even though he was older now, he always came to Donnie when he had a nightmare. Raphael would always yell at him for waking him up at night, and Leonardo always would give him lectures about eating before bed. Donatello was the only one willing to just share the bed and comfort him.

"Are you alright?" Donatello asked, scooting over so his little brother could sit down on the bed. It didn't even cross his mind that Mikey was too old to share a bed with him; the poor orange ninja had horrible nightmares. It probably _was_ because he ate before bed, but Don didn't say that. Michelangelo nodded and sat down on the bed that was offered, hanging his head sleepily. "Wanna tell me about it?"

He was surprised when his little brother shook his head. Usually Mikey would spend a good twenty minutes recounting the nightmare that had woken him, explaining every detail as one would recount a Hollywood blockbuster. But his silence worried Donatello.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Can I just stay in here tonight?" Michelangelo asked back, not really letting his fear drip into his voice _too much_, but it was there.

"Sure." Donnie said brightly. His bed was big enough for two turtles, for sure. And it wasn't as if he could let Mikey go back to him room alone and frightened.

So Donatello turned off the light and laid down in his bed, and his little brother did the same. Donatello wrapped his arms around Michelangelo protectively. He had really… really missed taking care of his little brother. He liked the feeling. He liked the Mikey came to _him_, and not Leo or Raph. It made him feel like he was doing something right, when he was usually always wrong.

"You okay, bro?" he asked quietly, feeling Mikey shake.

Michelangelo nodded, holding Donatello's arm close to him. His nightmare kept racing through his mind. His brother was there, holding his hand and leading him somewhere, where he couldn't remember, and then he just… disappeared. He didn't run away or even poof into thin air. It just became harder and harder to see him, until before Mikey even noticed it his brother had evaporated. Then the whole dream turned dark. Donatello's voice kept asking for help but Mikey had no idea where it was coming from, and he couldn't move because he was so afraid of the dark.

Then he woke up. His first reaction was the same every time after a nightmare, and he came straight to Donatello's room so he could sleep there. He felt like a child, but it could have been worse. When he was a kid, he'd drag his blanket with him the whole way. At least he wasn't _that_ childish.

"Don?"

"Yeah?" Donatello answered sleepily.

"You're arm feels weird…" he said, running his hand up and down the arm. It was so much skinnier then he remembered. He could never feel bone before. There was a silence and Donatello shrugged.

"Must be your imagination." He said, but if it weren't so dark Mikey would have seen a blush creeping up on Donatello's face.

_'He's just feeling the extra weight…'_ he thought, angry at himself for not being able to comfort his brother without having to think about how disgusting he was. He shook his head and tried to change the subject.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked. "Want some water?"

"Nah… I'm fine." Mikey said, not letting go of Donnie. "But…"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep..."

"You'll be fine." Donatello promised, smiling. "Just count backwards from one-hundred."

Mikey nodded, but didn't even attempting to do as his brother suggested.

"I'm really worried about you, bro." he admitted. He held Donatello's arm close to himself. "You've been so… like, far-away lately.""You wanted to say distant… And I've been working. I'm sorry, Mikey." Donatello said, being completely honest. "I'll try to see you more."

"You're… skinny." Michelangelo said, till keeping Donatello's arm close. "Like, stick-thin… I didn't see before but… But it's scary."

Donatello paused and tried to pull away from Mike when the words registered, but his younger brother held strong. Mikey didn't want to let go. He felt like if he did Don would run away, which wasn't far from the truth.

"How long have you been doing that to yourself, Donnie?" he asked, not looking up at his brother. There were already tears in his eyes. "I **saw** you. Why would you do that?"

"What did you see me doing?" Donatello asked, not knowing what Mikey meant even though deep down he did.

"You know what I saw!" Mikey yelled, squeezing Donatello's arm to the point of pain. "Sticking your finger down your throat… Making yourself throw up… Why?"

There was a long pause and Donatello lowered his head, he was so angry he was shaking.

"Why did you follow me?!" he asked still trying to pull away. "Why is it any of your business what I do?!"

Michelangelo tucked his body into itself and bit his lip, still holding on.

"Don't pull away…" he muttered. "I'm sorry. I was just scared…"

He didn't tell Donatello that Splinter had told him to follow. That would have made Donatello even angrier. Finally Donatello freed his arm and stood up, looking down at Mikey with angry eyes.

"Get out." he ordered. His brother didn't move. "Get out of my room Michelangelo!!"

The youngest turtle didn't leave, though he did stand up, and looked Donatello in the eyes.

"I just want to know why." he said, not blinking. "Please…"

Donatello crushed his teeth together, then took a deep breath.

"Does it even matter?" he asked, licking his lips.

"Of course it does!"

"It **doesn't**." Donatello said sternly. "And if you care about me at all you'll leave, **now**!"

Michelangelo stood up, but then wavered.

"I… I have to tell Splinter, you know…" he said, not looking at his older brother.

"**OUT!**" Donatello yelled pushing Mikey towards the door. The youngest brother did instantly, and Donatello fell backwards onto his bed, dizzy and upset.

'_How could he do that to me?'_ he wondered. Michelangelo was always the kindest of his brothers… How could he have followed him like that? _'Now what? He's __**going**__ to tell Splinter. And then what? I mean… What will happen then? I don't… I don't have any idea…'_

Donatello buried his head into his pillow, scared stiff. What if they all really did overreact? He'd read things online, about families forcing their children to eat, locking them up in hospitals… He couldn't go to a hospital, obviously. But what if they overreacted like that? He didn't want to have to deal with anything like that…

Then his mind switched to the side of him that worried what his brothers thought of him. Did he just scare Mikey? What about when Leo found out? And if Splinter found out, Leonardo WOULD find out, and then Raphael… And they would all… Would they think even less of him then they already did? Maybe… Maybe they'd be happy… It wasn't like they weren't the ones who wanted him to be lighter in the first place. He was just doing what _they_ wanted. But he knew they wouldn't see it that way. He had to talk to Mikey, right now… He could convince him not to tell Splinter.

He went straight to Michelangelo's room first, but there was no sign of his brother. The bed was still messy from his nightmare, and Donatello felt a pang of guilt for yelling at his brother. He went to the kitchen next, which he had been avoiding for months now, but he wasn't there, either. He checked the living room as well, but there was still no sign of his brother. Finally, he heard muffled voices… From Splinters room.

Donatello made no effort to be quiet as he made his way to his father's room. He could hear them talking from the other side of the door, which was left partly open, as the rule stated. Splinter never closed his door, just like the dojo.

"You've done the right thing in telling me this, Michelangelo." Splinter's voice said.

"I'm worried." Michelangelo replied.

"It will be all right, my son." Splinter replied. "We will help your brother."

"But he… I don't think he _wants_ help, Sensei." his brother said, making Donatello lower his head. "He seemed… He seemed like he didn't want …"

"Just because Donatello does not ask for your help, does not mean he does not require it." Splinter said, Donnie heard something move, though he wasn't sure what had been moved. "He may not even realize that he needs our aid."

Donatello shifted in his spot, not sure what to do, or what to think. He didn't want help, if it meant they would stop him from doing what he had too… He needed to lose weight. They had been the ones to say so in the first place! He looked down at himself, and then sighed. What was he supposed to do?

"Donatello, would you like to come in now?"

Donnie froze at the sound of Splinters voice. He should have known his father had heard him standing there, but he didn't want to move. He couldn't face Mikey right now, after everything he had done? It was too much. He didn't want to go in there and see his brother's face, he was so confused and hurt. Donatello already knew that face, he didn't need to see it again.

But, even though he did not move, he ended up seeing the face either way as Splinter opened his door fully. Michelangelo was standing across from him now, looking so worried. Donatello hated seeing his younger brother so upset, but he didn't see any way to stop it.

"Come in, my son. We will talk."

Still, the smartest, and now thinnest, brother did not move. He just stared at his father, obviously frightened. Splinter just bowed his head and looked on, concerned for his son. It showed on his face.

"Donatello, will you not speak with me?" Splinter asked.

He shook his head, looking down at the floor.

"Mikey told you the truth…" he said, shaking his head. "I'm so… so _sick_ of lying."

Splinter nodded, stepping aside so Donatello could come into the room. Donatello took the hint and walked in, avoiding any eye contact with Mikey. His eyes were moist, but he didn't know what to do. His mind was screaming at him to leave, but… He really just… Needed his father.

For months he had avoided Splinter. He hadn't looked him in the eyes. He'd lied, and stolen, and yelled at his family. He hated himself even more now then before he'd begun.

"Michelangelo, we will talk in the morning. Until then, go to sleep." Splinter said, while Donatello looked at the wall. He heard Mikey leave, but didn't turn and neither one said goodnight. "Donatello?"

Donnie looked up, though he couldn't meet Splinter's eyes.

"Donatello, sit down. I'll make some tea."

"I can't drink it." Donnie said instantly, looking away from his father. He wasn't going to come clean about all of this while sucking down calories. He wouldn't be able to concentrate. He'd just be thinking about getting rid of it. Splinter seemed to understand, or at least he was wise enough to know not to push him, and he sat down across from his son.

"Please, my son… Tell me when this started."

Donatello bit his lip, but nodded and took a deep breath.

"It… I mean… I was just… Just supposed to lose some weight." He said, looking at the floor with tears in his eyes. "But I didn't. I kept trying and trying, but it didn't work."

"Why did you think you needed to lose weight?" Splinter asked, his voice held no judgment, which calmed Donatello down a bit.

"I-I was the worst. The slowest when we fought. I… I heard my brothers talking, and… And they said some things… I just felt like if I stopped eating… and trained more that… that I would be better." Donatello confessed, sniffling.

Splinter nodded, his eyes showed his worry. He wanted to correct his son, tell him that he was one of his best students, and tell him about all his good points, but he needed to keep Donatello talking, ask all of his questions now, in case Donatello closed up again later on.

"And when not eating didn't work… When I noticed that you weren't eating and made you eat with your brothers, that is when..?" He didn't need to finish, Donatello nodded.

"I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't start eating again." he said, wrapping one arm around the other. "I felt like I had to finish what I started. And in practice… I was just getting _worse_, not better."

His father nodded, but for a moment said nothing, which prompted Donatello to keep talking. He needed to confess everything, including his biggest sin.

"Father… I… When that didn't work… I-I hated it." he said, his tears overflowing just a bit. He simply lowered his head and continued. "And when Mikey and I went topside, I stole pills…"

"Pills?" Splinter asked, obviously confused.

"Diet pills, or something." Donatello said, layered with guilt. "I don't know why I did it. Nothing else was working, and I didn't… I didn't know what else to do. So I just took them."

Splinter sighed with disappointment, and Donatello wiped his face with his arm. That's when he noticed he was shaking.

"Donatello, I am saddened that you took what was not yours…" Splinter said, looking directly at his son who would not meet his gaze. "But you are forgiven… You are brave, coming to me with this."

Donatello shook his head, he wasn't brave. He was a coward. He let the tears fall again, his shaking got worse. It was too much, too fast. He didn't want this to happen. His father knew. Mikey knew. They both must have thought he was so… pathetic. Going through all of this and still being so slow and heavy. He knew that was what they had both thought.

"My son, please look at me." Splinter requested. Donatello met his gaze, eyes filled with tears. "I will help you. Your brothers shall help you as well. I… regret that we did not notice sooner. I was negligent with you."

Donatello bit his lip and looked away.

"I… I don't think I can stop." he said honestly. "I'll just lie more, keep going. I know I will."

"If you believe you will; I'm sure you will." Splinter said, standing up. "But we will manage what comes to us, and you will get through this. With your family."

"Do you have to tell them?" Donatello asked, standing up as well. "Do they… do they really have to know?"

"Donatello, your brothers care for you. They love you." Splinter said, looking him in the eyes. "You will need them."

"I hate being the weakest…" Donnie whispered, looking away. Then he felt a pair of strong, yet thin arms around his shoulders. Splinter wrapped around him, comforting him like when he was a child."You are not the weakest, my son." Splinter said, holding his son close. "You are strong. Don't forget."

Donatello didn't reply, but his eyes welled up again. When Splinter let go, there were streams down his face which he had to wipe away. Splinter straightened himself and cleared his throat softly.

"Donatello, please bring me your pills. Tonight." he said. "And then get some rest."

The brainy turtle nodded, going towards his room. He cursed himself, because his first though was how he was going to sneak a few pills out of the container before giving them to his father.

* * *

A/N: Hey! It's been awhile! Sorry about that. Colleges don't apply for themselves! BUT I hope the fact that this chapter is twice as long as my normal chapters will make up for it. I tried to make the talk between Splinter and Donatello pretty dramatic, so I hope that shined through. Splinter is a very caring kind of dad, so he really just wants to help even though he doesn't understand (which will become obvious in later chapters). So look forward to the next chapter! I hope it will be out before, like, Christmas! XDD


	8. Chapter 8

Just a Shell

Chapter Eight

* * *

When Donatello woke up the next morning, his head was pounding like a drum. It hurt like shell, and he had to cradle it in both hands the second he was in a sitting position. He groaned and rubbed his temples, not understanding why he hurt so badly. He hadn't even worked out recently outside of practice, since Splinter forbid it… And then he remembered the night before.

At first he didn't know how to feel, and then his entire body fell back onto his bed. He didn't want to have to deal with his father right now. Not if it meant having to talk about his eating. Or lack thereof. It didn't matter how nice Splinter had been yesterday, he knew what today was going to be. Everyone would be shoving food into his face, wondering why he wouldn't eat even though he just _couldn't _eat.

Combined with the fact that his sensei already conveyed that he was going to tell his brothers today. If he didn't already, Donatello knew the two brothers, who were still 'in the dark' as it were, would find out at some point that day. Leonardo… He would naturally want to discuss the entire thing to death, even if Donatello told him he didn't want to talk about it. It was his way of worrying, but it was annoying and relentless. Raphael, Donnie told himself, wouldn't care at all. In fact, even though Donatello didn't really feel like his brother would hurt him like that, he half suspected Raphael would be happy with the whole thing.

After sitting in his bed for a good hour, he decided it would probably be a good idea to show his face soon, to save his brothers the trouble of coming in to wake him up. He lifted himself off the bed, and paused for the routine room-spin. It was pretty much a habit for Donnie now to hold onto something as he stood up, because he always stumbled when he didn't.

He threw on his mask, and looking inside his desk drawer. Six pills were hidden inside his book on mechanics. There had been ten left in the bottle, but he knew if he took them all from the bottle Splinter would have realized, but he still wanted some. He wasn't going to take them unless he really, _really_ needed too, he promised himself. He felt bad, because he was already lying again, but at least he had told his father everything.

Donatello shut the dresser drawer and started out to the living room, still rubbing his temples. His head hurt so much. He needed some water, he hoped that would make it better. Donnie started walking to the bathroom, but then stopped when he saw his brothers gathered in the living room, all looking directly at him. They had turned the moment his door opened.

He could tell that Splinter, or maybe Mikey, had already told them. Leonardo looked troubled, while Raphael just looked confused. Donatello took two steps towards them, then immediately turned around.

"Donnie, wait." Leonardo said. It was not an order, but it was a request.

Donatello stopped, and turned around but didn't look at them. Apparently Leo didn't exactly think of what he would say, because there was a noticeably long silence.

"Donnie… I… Maybe do you want some breakfast?" Leonardo asked, obviously a bit beside himself.

"No thanks." Donatello said, testing his boundaries a bit. Leonardo let him sneak by without breakfast, he might stand a chance.

'_If I pretend it's not a big deal, maybe they won't make a big deal out of it…'_

"Don--" Mikey started, but Leonardo motioned for him not to say anything.

"Something small?" Leonardo offered.

"You don't have to act like anything's changed." Donatello aid defensively. He knew this would happen. Now Leonardo was making it _his_ responsibility to 'fix' him. "Don't make a huge deal out of anything."

There was a silence and Donatello started walking to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Leo asked. Donnie blinked and looked over.

"Bathroom. For water. That okay?" He asked sarcastically, but not meanly. He was trying to downplay everything, even though he could tell already it wasn't working.

Leonardo crossed his arms, not knowing what to do next. That's when Mikey spoke up again."What about juice?"

"I have a headache… Things with sugar would make it worse." Donatello reasoned, thankful that he didn't have to lie for once, though his excuse was a stretched one.

"Just eat somethin' already." Raphael said, though his voice was a tad quieter then normal, it held it's usual irritation.

"Raph!" Leo barked, making both Donnie and Mikey jump. The leader noticed and looked at Donatello apologetically, though the purple-sashed turtle had no clue why. "Sorry, but… He's right, Donnie. You should try to eat something."

'_They're still in denial.'_ Donnie thought hopefully. _'If I eat something then they might think that it was just overreacting.'_

Donatello smiled inwardly at his logic and then at Leonardo.

"I guess I'll have some toast." he said, trying to sound convincing.

Leonardo grinned like he had made some huge breakthrough, Mikey smirked and ran into the kitchen, and it would appear that everyone in the family was happy with this new 'breakthrough'. But Donatello saw Raphael roll his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. His resolve wavered a bit, wondering if freedom from his family was worth proving to Raph that he was just a 'pig', but he couldn't back out now. Michelangelo was already making him toast, apparently.

When he walked into the kitchen he noticed Mikey making quite a bit else, probably breakfast for the other three turtles. He smelled burning, and rolled his eyes with fatigue as he realized Michelangelo had left eggs on the stove when he heard Donnie's door open.

"Here you go!" Mikey said, his normal exuberant self as he set down the two slices of toast on the table.

Donatello nodded and sat down at the place, and his brothers all sat down with their own foods at their spots. The intellectual turtle looked around, all three of them were looking directly at him. He gulped, not wanting the attention, but he told himself to deal with it.

He picked up the first of four slices, and saw that Mikey had spread butter on it. That was… Thatg was _way_ past the limit he had put on himself and more in the first bite. He had estimated, maybe, one hundred and fifty calories for toast. With butter, that bumped it up to four hundred or more… He stared at the slice in his hand, debating.

"Donnie?" Leonardo asked.

Donatello looked up. Eyes were still on him. Mikey had taken a few bites and was posed with his fork in hand, but he was watching. Leonardo was directly across from him, fork on the table but he had eaten a bit, his arms were at his sides. Raphael was on his right, he hadn't even taken a bite yet. He was staring right at Donnie, his brows twisted in confusion with his arms sitting on the tabletop. Donatello gulped again, looking away. Why were they all staring at him? How was he supposed to eat if they were all _watching_ him like that?

So he went for the first bite, just for show. Trying to get their eyes to go elsewhere. Reassuring them that they didn't have to watch. But then it just sat in his mouth. It was scratchy. He could feel the butter on the top of the crispy bread, but he didn't make a move to chew. It was so… peculiar. He felt disgusted with this bite of food in his mouth… But they didn't look away, so he tried to chew.

The chewing echoed in his ears, the taste on his tongue made him think of vomit. He only chewed twice before grabbing a napkin and spitting the entire bite into it. He folded it in, hoped his brothers wouldn't notice, but without even looking up (which he hadn't for a long time), he knew all eyes where still on him, and he knew that they all had seen him spit out the bite. He couldn't help it. It was just… nauseating. The smell, the taste, the _sound_ of himself eating… It all made him queasy. He took a drink of the water sitting by his plate, but then spit that back into the glass, as well. It cleared the taste from his mouth, but only a little. He could still practically feel the brittle toast on his tongue; even though he had done everything to get it off..

His heartbeat accelerated, he could feel it in his chest. His hand trembled and he placed down the toast, though he didn't let go of it. He looked at the tabletop, taking deep breaths. Was he having a panic attack? It felt like it. He looked back up at his brothers. They were still looking at him!

"I… I have to go." he said, standing up quickly.

"Donatello?…" Michelangelo started, but he trailed off. His eyes were wide.

"I-I can't." Donatello replied, still looking at the table. "Sorry, I just… I have to get some air."

He ran out of the room as fast as possible, his chair screeching as he pushed it out of his way. He went straight for the tunnel opening, not pausing when he saw Splinter out of the corner of his eyes. He didn't stop until he was a good mile away in the subway tunnels. He didn't run, he didn't have the energy for that. He walked as quickly as he could. He just… He couldn't eat.

* * *

After Donatello ran out, his brothers stayed in the kitchen, all trying to figure out what to make of their brother. Michelangelo was already sure that Donnie wouldn't eat, he hadn't even expected an attempt, but he had known longer then his brothers. Leonardo thought that all his little brother had needed was a reminded to eat, like Donnie had just forgotten. Raphael, on the other hand, had thought everyone had been making a big deal over nothing. He didn't believe that Donatello had a problem, until now.

"He's real messed up, ain't he?" Raph asked, his voice low and his head down. He didn't look up at his brothers, who were still at the table with him.

"He's not…" Mikey started loudly, and then paused. "… He's not messed up…"

"I know he's not, Mike…" Leonardo told him, trying to be careful with his younger brothers emotions. "**We **know he's not."

Leo gave Raphael a very pointed look, wrapping his arm around Michelangelo's shoulder. Mikey didn't shrug him off, but he didn't look up from the table either. Leonardo knew he was confused, they all were, but Mikey was more sensitive then they were, more naive. He didn't understand why in the world anyone would stop eating on purpose, especially someone as smart as his older brother Donnie. He was a genius, they all knew it…

"Should we go look for him?" Raphael asked, standing up. Leonardo glanced up, surprised that Raphael would ever actually _ask_ for any sort of direction.

"Maybe… We should give him some space." Leonardo guessed, as lost as his brothers.

"It's… It's not like… He could throw up…" Mikey said weakly, smiling weakly. "…right?"

Leonardo sighed, shaking his brother lightly to make him feel better. Raphael growled and stood up, obviously frustrated, and kicked the table, making his cup of milk splash over onto the table.

"Raph!" Leonardo started sternly, but his brother turned away.

"I'm going to the dojo." Raphael said, starting out. Leonardo didn't stop him.

The oldest brother sighed and went to pick up the milk, normally something he would never do. He needed to keep his hands busy. Once he'd finished that, he looked over at Mike, who was still sitting in his seat. He was eating now, though, which Leonardo thought was a pretty good thing. He nodded at his brother before leaving the room, telling him he was going to go meditate and to call if he needed anything. Mikey didn't bother looking up as his brother left, as he cleaned his plate and reached for Donatello's toast.

* * *

Leonardo had no idea what to do, so after meditating for a good hour, he left his room to see Splinter. He needed to know what his father thought of all of this. When he first told them, he was very grave, but for some reason it didn't sink in. Not until now.

"Sensei?" Leonardo asked, opening his father's door. "Sensei, can I talk to you?"

He saw his father looking intently at a bottle of bills, looking solemn. His eyes were narrowed, his brows crooked nervously.

"Certainly, my son." Splinter said, inviting Leonardo in. Leonardo sat down from across his father and lowered the bottle.

"What are those?" Leonardo asked, looking at the bottle.

"Something your brother has been taking, recently…" Splinter said, his voice upset. He passed the pills to Leonardo. "Read."

Leonardo looked at the bottle. White, simple, clean. The words where all black. Phentermisine. It was some sort of weight-loss drug, or something. He turned the bottle around in his hand, his eyes brought to the bolded text on the back.

_**WARNING**: Do not take Phentermisine if you have:_

_A thyroid disorder;_

_Anxiety disorder;_

_Diabetes; or_

_Epilepsy or other seizure disorders._

_Use of this medication my enhance or increase the dangers of the effects of these diseases._

Leonardo blinked, then made the connection. Donnie's seizure. These has been the cause. That explained why he had randomly had an attack after such a long time…

"But… Wouldn't Donnie have read the directions?" Leonardo asked. This was the same guy who refused to give Raphael more then two aspirin because the back of the bottle said so.

"Your brother's mind has become muddled with many conflicting thoughts and emotions, Leonardo." Splinter told him, lowering his head and taking back the pills. "What he would normally have paid close attention to was overlooked in his turmoil."

Leonardo looked down, then up at his sensei.

"I don't know what to do, Splinter." he said, biting his lip. "How do I help him?"

There was a long, ominous pause, where Splinter took deep breaths, as if mid-meditation.

"I do not know anymore then you what Donatello has been thinking, or how it escalated to such a dangerous level." Splinter told him. "But it has, and the only way we can help him is by trying to understand what has been going through his mind for weeks… Months… Escaping our notice."

Leonardo lowered his head even more, filled with guilt. How did he not notice his brother was acting so strange? He had, really… He just didn't think it was so serious. He told Splinter about breakfast,, about how Donatello ran away from the very thought of eating, how Raphael stormed into the dojo, and how upset Michelangelo had gotten. When he was finished, Splinter stayed silent for a few moments, then stood up.

"Your brothers need you to be a strong leader now more then ever, Leonardo. They are hurt and confused, all of them. They need you there to help them, and that is all you can do for now." his father told him sternly, then nodded at him. "I must meditate."

Leonardo bowed and left his fathers room, walking out into the living room. On his way he heard Raphael beating on a punching bag loudly. Mikey was on the couch, asleep. His stomach was making weird noises, and when he went into the kitchen he saw why.

Not a drop of food was left. Raphael and Leonardo had both skipped breakfast, the food had already been made, and now it was all gone. Probably into Mikey, who ate when he was upset. Leo cursed and started picking up the plates.

'_Damnit Mikey… I don't need you getting an eating disorder too…' he thought, looking out to his brother. _

_

* * *

_

_Yo. What did you guys think? LOOKIE! It came out within a month of the last chapter! =D It's just a look at how the brothers are feeling, mostly... I thought we should get a good look about how they were dealing with this, especially Mikey because I had decided how he was going to deal with it before I even started writing the first chapter (Since Michelangelo is my second favorite). Thank you SO much for everyone who reviewed my last chapter, you guys were so sweet. I love reading the reviews, and they really motivate me, so keep them coming! Thank you!  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Just a Shell

Chapter Nine

* * *

Donatello got home almost a full day later, he had spent nearly seveneen hours just walking around the sewers, until he got dizzy and decided to head back to the base, even though he dreaded what would happen when he did return home. He spent another few hours slowly trudging back home, taking his time. He walked through the front door nervously, hoping his return would go unnoticed, but it didn't. Leonardo was already at the door, leaning against the side. He looked exhausted.

"Donnie! Thank goodness…" he said, sighing.

Donatello just nodded and shrugged.

"Look, I'm really… well, sorry. About this morning. I don't know what--"

"It's fine." Leonardo interrupted. "You're back now, that's all that matters."

Leo wrapped an arm around Donatello's shoulder, holding his brother next to him.

"We shouldn't have forced it on you like that." Leo said, looking down. "You just have to remember… You know… You have to eat, or you'll die. You _know_ that…"

Donatello was worried for his older brother, he looked so strained. But Leo smiled at him either way, optimistic in the face of darkness. When Donatello left the lair, after speaking with Splinter, Leonardo went online to try to find ways to help his brother. The most advice said that he should get professional help, but… That was out of the question.

"When you're ready to try again, we're here, okay? We want to help you."

"Yeah…" Donatello said, biting his lip. He knew that already. That's why he felt so damn bad for running away. But.. How could he honestly eat that? He looked down at the ground and felt Leonardo pull his arm away.

"Seriously, Don. We're here for you. All of us."

Donatello nodded, but he still looked straight down at the ground. How was he supposed to react to all of this? His brother was trying to comfort him, but he knew that it wasn't over. They were all confused and didn't know what to do about their brother. Leonardo put his hand on Donnie's back.

"Could you… Like… Tell me why you ran out so fast? Was it us?" Leo asked. Don could hear the fear in his brothers voice.

"Well… everyone was staring at me." Donatello admitted, feeling bad while doing so. It wasn't his brothers fault, not really. He looked down. "Not that it mattered that much… I-I mean, I probably wouldn't have been able to eat… You know, either way."

Leo nodded sadly and sighed. He might as well have sliced open his brothers heart by even hinting that he was the cause of all of this. Donatello bit his lip.

"I wouldn't have… eaten either way." he repeated. "Really."

"That's… not very comforting, Donnie." Leo told him, recognizing that his brother was really trying to make him feel better. "It would have been better if it _was _just us…"

Donatello nodded. He kept his head tilted down and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly. "Really, I am…"

Leonardo shook his head.

"Don't apologize for his." he said, walking towards the kitchen. "Do you… Want to try something for lunch? Something light? I don't know…"

Donatello just shook his head.

"I can't right now, Leo. I really just… can't." he said. He looked away and started towards his lab.

"Donnie wait." Leonardo's commanding voice echoed. Donatello turned to look at him, and frowned at what he saw. Leonardo looked torn. One half of him felt the greatest sympathy for his brother, and only wanted to make him happy. The other half, the leader, was ready to order Donatello to eat if it came to that. The purple-sashed turtle did not doubt his brother's leader side. "You know eventually one of us has to watch you eat. Sometime soon."

"Yeah… I know that." Donatello told him. "I just can't handle that right now. Later. I promise I'll eat later. In front of you."

"Just me, if that's what you want." Leo promised. Donatello knew his elder brother was trying to make him feel comfortable.

"Yeah. That'd be… easier, I guess." Donnie said, rubbing the back of his head. "I wanna check on Mikey, do you know where he is?"

Leonardo nodded, sighing. The last time he had seen his youngest brother the orange ninja had been grabbing yet another helping of cold pizza. He wasn't even attempting to heat it up, which was odd. Mikey didn't like cold pizza at all. When Leonardo tried to talk to him about how he was eating too much it didn't go over well. Mikey hadn't slept since Don had left, but really none of them had. Raphael had attempted, but even though he spent five hours in his room, Leo heard him pacing. Splinter had been meditating for twenty hours straight, but Leo's thoughts where too muddled to meditate properly. Instead, he had been checking out Don's lab. There were some disturbing websites, but beyond that nothing very helpful.

"I think he's in his room." He said. "Probably eating cold pizza."

"Cold pizza? Why?" Donatello asked, more amused then perplexed. He didn't understand what Mikey was doing, but Leonardo understood perfectly.

"I don't know." Leo lied. He didn't want to put anymore pressure on his brother's shoulders. "Maybe it would be a good idea if you played vide games with him or something. Take both of your minds off of things."

"Like meditation, but for idiots." Donatello said, smirking. "I'll go ask him."

Leo nodded and hoped Donnie wouldn't be too smart in this case. But really, telling Donatello not to be smart was like telling a computer not to compute. Don would probably figure out what Leonardo had, and it wouldn't take him very long at all.

* * *

Later that day he ate a bit of toast while Leonardo sat on the couch beside him. It really was better, he was able to keep it down this time. They just watched television while he ate, which made Donatello feel safer. When Donatello had gone to see if Mikey wanted to play a video game, his younger brother was asleep. His room was a mess, with at least a weeks worth of wrappers built up. What he didn't know was that those wrappers where from the last 20 hours.

When he went to bed that night, Donatello tossed and turned, his bed feeling hard as rock…

* * *

**Yes I know I know this chapter is a gyp! BUT! This is a twofer deal, so just click 'next chapter'. =D I love you guys to much to leave you with just this cruddy chapter...  
**


	10. Chapter 10

Just a Shell

Chapter 10

* * *

It was two months later, and Donatello was in his lab. He hadn't improved much, though he was walking without getting dizzy, which was a plus. Leonardo had stayed true to his plans to make sure Donnie ate, in front of him, at least once a day. He tried not to force Don, or make him feel awkward, so some days his younger brother didn't eat much more then a piece of bread, but he was doing much better then the first week or two, were Don would run away whenever presented with food.

There were rules, after he ate. He wasn't allowed to leave the lair, and he always had to be with one of his brothers for at least an hour. There were problems, obviously. He was always compelled to gag himself, and some days he would run off and do so. It never passed under his brother's notice, especially Leo, but his eldest brother always attempted to make him feel okay about it. He always basically said that it wasn't okay, they'd try again tomorrow, and try to make him feel better. It wasn't the same lecture he expected, and at first he wondered why. Then he found all of these pamphlets on how to deal with a family member with an eating disorder in Leo's room.

So all in all, Donnie was doing… okay. But he still had the same emotions. He felt weak, fat, and he didn't want to be near his brothers. Being forced to after meals was hard. He loved them, but he never knew how to act.

To top it all of, Donatello had figured out what was wrong with Mikey. At first Mikey seemed normal, but he ate a lot. Much more than he used to, and Michelangelo had always been something of a glutton. He'd gained weight, not enough for his brothers to notice, but weight-obsessed Donnie had. He ate all the time, and he tried to hide it, which made Donnie even more suspicious. Some nights when Donnie couldn't sleep he'd hear Mikey in the kitchen. Then there were never any wrappers, so he figured he was overreacting, but he decided to tell Leonardo anyway. His older brother looked less then surprised.

"You're right." Leo said, drinking some coffee. "I was hoping you wouldn't find out, but… Well, I think Mike has some sort of…"

He stopped himself, and Donatello rolled his eyes.

"Binge eating disorder." He said, sitting down. "It's all right, I've seen all your brochures."

Leo sighed and looked away.

"Sorry. I needed something." He said. "But yeah, that's what I think's gotten into Mikey. You couldn't find any wrappers because he buries them in the trashcan. I found them a few weeks ago."

Donatello sighed and lowered his head, which made him a bit nauseous. Mikey didn't seem _that_ different. He was quieter then normal, but Don just figured he was nervous about the… well, even in his head Donatello hadn't yet really said he was 'bulimic', but he knew he was. Raphael had been acting strange, too, he wasn't eating like Mike.

"This is my fault." Donnie said, anguished. "We have to help him.""Donatello, you have to focus on helping yourself right now." Leonardo said. "I know you have good intentions, but leave Mike to me. You need to try to make yourself better."

Donatello sighed but didn't move or say anything for a minute. He was a burden to his entire family, and now his youngest brother was the one paying the price. How could Leo tell him not to try to help?

"I have to help, Leo."

"Donnie, this isn't your fault. Mikey had problems too, and he needs to work on his. He doesn't want to burden you with this, I know that.""How would you know?" Donatello snapped.

"He told me."

Shocked, Donnie didn't say anything. Leonardo sighed and explained.

"I asked him about it, when I started noticing. He denied it at first, but then after I found the wrappers and everything he told me…" he said. "He was upset, and he really didn't want you to find out. I already told him I wouldn't lie to you about it if you asked, though…"

"He talked to you about it?" Don asked. He was a little hurt. Mikey always came to _him_ with his problems.

"Not much, he didn't want to. But he told me enough that I know it is binge eating… He's not hungry, he eats till he feels sick… He just wouldn't tell me why." Leo put down his coffee and sighed, looking exhausted. "Just like you won't."

Donnie bit his lip, not standing up as Leonardo did. His older brother walked out of the room, leaving Donatello with his guilt. Leonardo had looked so tired, so upset. Donnie stood up and walked to Mikey's room. His brothers door was closed, so Don knocked.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, it's me." He said. "Can I come in?"

"One sec, bro!" Mikey called out, and Donatello heard him rummaging. Then the door opened. "What's up?"

Donatello didn't know what to say to his younger brother, really. He hadn't planned anything, though he probably should have. Michelangelo gave him a questioning look.

"I was wondering if you wanted to play a game or something." Donnie said. "I kinda wanted to talk to you."

Mikey shot a meaningful glance back into his room, his door closed enough that Donatello couldn't see exactly what he was looking at.

'Uhhh… Sure!" he said, smiling and rushing out of the room, Donatello noted that he closed the door pretty hard, when usually it was left open. Then again lots of doors that used to be open where closed now.

They went into the living room to play. Raphael was there, but when they invited him he declined almost instantly and went back to reading something. They turned on some game of Michelangelo's choosing, and started to play. About five minutes later Raphael left, complaining about the noise. Another few minutes passed, and Donatello lost the game. They started over, Mikey excited about winning, and Donatello decided to talk.

"I… Uhm… wanted to talk to you about how much… you've been eating lately, you know?" He said, still playing. Michelangelo kept on playing as well, mashing the buttons lightening-fast. The only way Donatello could tell he was listening was the small 'nm' and the way his brother's eyes reflected a bit of sadness. "I thought maybe we could, you know… Talk about it?""Why?" Mikey asked. He was trying to shrug off the attention, Donatello felt a bit of deja'vu, after all hadn't he done the exact same thing whenever his brothers had confronted _him_?

"Because it's not healthy…" Donnie said, looking over at Mikey. He must have gained -**at least**- fifteen pounds in the last two months. Donatello could see it on his arms and legs, and his face.

"You're not exactly the go-to guy when it comes to eating healthy, Don." Michelangelo said, and Donatello heard the bitterness in his voice. Donatello had to bite his tongue to keep from going off on his younger brother.

'_He's just upset.'_ Donnie told himself. _'He doesn't understand why I had to do what I did… He is frightened. That's it.'_

"I know…"

Donatello put down his remote, since Mikey had killed him once again. Michelangelo just pressed 'New Game', but realized he wasn't fighting anyone and paused it. He didn't look over at his older brother.

"Mikey, look… I know this has all been really stressful, and I know that you're scared and everything… But you can't keep doing stuff like you have been."

"Like what? Eating? Just because you don't…"

"Don't make this about _me_." Donatello said sternly. "You have to realize what _you're _doing isn't okay."

There was silence for a bit and the orange-sashed ninja was turned away. He didn't want to talk about this, he didn't know what to say. It's not like he thought about anything when he ate. Sometimes when he and Donatello talked about what was wrong with Donnie, his brother would tell him how much he was thinking about when he was throwing up. But when Mikey ate, he wasn't thinking about anything. Hours past unnoticed. He just wanted to go back to his room now, he had left a bag of chips in there half-eaten when Don interrupted him. Not that Mikey wasn't excited about being able to play with his brother.

"It's fine. I've always eaten a lot, okay?" He said. "It's no big deal."

"Yes, it is." Donatello told him. "Obesity, diabetes, and heart disease! Come on, Mikey, this is a big deal."

Mikey looked over, glaring at Donnie for a few seconds, but then turned away again. He didn't say anything for a long time, obviously thinking, and then he just bit his lip.

"Why don't you pay more attention to yourself before you start preaching at me?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"I'm bulimic, okay? But at least I -know- it, and I'm trying to fix myself…" Admittedly not doing a great job, he thought. "But you're just in denial."

There was a pause.

"Mikey, I had an idea… I know that you won't like it, but will you just think about it?" He offered.

"… What?" his younger brother asked.

"What if we just eat together from now on? Whenever you eat, I eat. Whenever I eat, you eat… That might help both of us. Since you do eat all three of your meals, and I won't eat late at night… We could try to both eat like normal people for awhile."

Michelangelo thought about this for a minute. Then he smiled.

"Maybe." he said, licking his lips. "But…"

"But what?"

Michelangelo shook his head, smiling. He pushed his thoughts out of his head. If Donatello were disgusted by him, he wouldn't offer to eat with him, right?"But you can't, like… Throw up afterwards."

"Deal." Donnie said, and he held out his hand. Michelangelo took it and shook on the new agreement.

Of course, he hadn't realized at the time how hard it would be.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it. It's moving a little quick for my taste but I have so many parts to do.. And I'm trying to keep it from focusing too much on Mikey and not enough on the main character (Donnie, duh. XD) But Mikey is now, like, a side-main-character. =D**


	11. Chapter 11

Just a Shell

Chapter 11

* * *

The two brothers held to their deal for the next two days, even though both of them where having problems.

Donatello could barely keep up with three meals a day, trying to eat an actual 'meal' instead of a slice of toast for once. It was hard, he still only had a glass of water with his sandwich, but it took him awhile to finish. On the other hand, Michelangelo never made him feel awkward when they were together.

Michelangelo, however, was having a hard time only having three meals a day, no snacks, no binges. He felt hungry all of the time. Thankfully Donatello was there to make him feel better.

Donatello was just going to bed on the third night of their agreement. For dinner he'd actually had a piece of pizza. PIZZA! He was feeling a pit of shame in his stomach for eating even one slice, but there was also the fact that he had to stop Mikey from eating a sixth slice, which was one of his jobs.

He had to tell Michelangelo to stop eating when he started to eat to much, and on the flip side Michelangelo had to confront Donnie when he didn't eat enough. They took turns choosing their meals, since they could never agree on much, and it was Mikey's turn to chose dinner today. Michelangelo had been very timid about recommending his favorite food, but Donatello assured him it was okay.

He felt guilty for _both_ of these things and was thinking about leaving the lair to throw up. But he couldn't do that to his brother. Michelangelo was only going through with this deal because he was helping Donatello, and Donatello only because he was helping Michelangelo.

There was a knock on the door and before Donatello could even answer Mikey came in.

"Don?"

"Yeah?" Donatello asked, sitting up. "You okay?"

"… I'm hungry." Michelangelo answered, his voice a bit shaky.

Donatello thought about this. Mikey had had five pieces of pizza for dinner, and an equally big breakfast and lunch. He could only assume that his little brother wanted to binge badly, and his mind made him feel hungrier.

"Come lay down." Donatello instructed.

"But Don…" Mikey said, his voice was pleading now. "_Please._ I'm starving."

"We had dinner already." Donnie said, feeling even more guilt. It was only natural, even knowing that he was helping his little brother by saying no, Mikey was still his little brother. Donatello deeply wanted to give him whatever he wanted. "You can't be hungry."

Mikey lowered his head and walked to the bed, sitting down.

"But I _am_ hungry…" he said. Donatello turned on his bedside lamp.

"… Wait here." Donatello said, standing up.

He left the room and stopped in the kitchen. If he could control Mikey's portions then he wouldn't have to let his brother down. But he needed something healthy. He reached into the fridge, finding an apple. That would do. He chose the biggest one out of sympathy and brought it to his bedroom.

"Here." He said, tossing the apple to his brother.

Michelangelo stared at it for a moment, and then looked up at Donatello.

"Come on Donnie!" he said. "This isn't even fair!"

"It's good for you." Donatello said simply. "If you're really hungry you'll eat it."

Michelangelo nodded and bit into the apple. He finished the whole thing in under two minutes, which confirmed to Donnie that his brother was going through binging withdrawal. When he was done he threw the core into the trash can.

"… I'm still hungry." he whined. Donatello laid down in his bed and tugged on Mikey's arm so his brother would follow suit. Michelangelo did without complaint.

"I know, Mikey." Donatello said soothingly. "Don't worry it'll pass, okay?"

The young ninja nodded, but Donatello heard a small whimper. When the elder brother looked down, he saw that Mikey had tears in his eyes, and one was trailing down his cheek.

"Oh Mikey…" he gasped, wrapping his arms around his little brother and hugging him close. "It'll be okay."

Michelangelo shook his head and let out one sob, burying his face into his brother's shoulder. Donatello stroked his little brother's head with one skinny hand, trying to get Mikey to calm down.

"Talk to me, Mikey." he said. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm _hungry_." Michelangelo said.

"That's not all, though, is it?" Donatello asked, his voice soft and caring. "Come on, talk to me."

"… I'm pathetic." Mikey said, letting another sob slip out. "It's only been three days…"

"Mikey it's _okay_. You came to me, didn't you? That's good." Donatello told him. "You were able to control yourself and come to me instead of go to the kitchen."

Mikey took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He felt sick with himself, having to come to his brother's room to keep from eating. He knew Donatello must have been disgusted with him right now. He knew his older brother cherished skinniness, and that was the last word anyone would use to describe Mikey right now. He didn't voice his thoughts, but curled up into his brother more. At the very least, he knew Donatello loved him, even if Michelangelo was chubby.

He shook violently for a second, and Donatello looked down at him fearfully.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. I just…" Mikey trailed off. "I'm hun--… tired." He looked up at Donatello, putting on a small fake smile. Donnie already knew he was hungry, why say it again?

"Alright, let's go to bed." Donatello said, turning off the lights and vowing to make sure Mikey was asleep before he let himself do the same.

* * *

The next day Donatello woke up with Mikey in his arms, and he smiled. He couldn't help it, even though it was a bit selfish, he was glad that Michelangelo was having problems right now. It meant that Donnie could take care of him. He liked taking care of his family, it was something he was good at. Being relied on, soothing others and making them feel better. The fact that Mikey came to him the night before, upset, made his heart burst with happiness.

Mikey could sleep till noon if left alone, but Donatello knew that they couldn't skip breakfast. They had to try to keep to the schedule as close as possible, for both of their sanities, and so they had to eat breakfast at ten. It was nine-thirty now, and given that they were having raisin bran for breakfast (Donnie's choice), the purple-sashed turtle, though he wasn't wearing his sash at the moment, slowly snuck out of bed. He made sure that Mikey stayed asleep before he slipped out and went to the living room.

He had expected to find Leo or Splinter, the only other two people in the lair who woke up this early. Who he definitely did not expect to see was Raphael, sitting in the dark on the couch, looking out into nothing. Donatello stood there for a moment, then tilted his head. He was so confused.

"Raph?" He asked, stepping closer.

Raphael looked up and lowered his head.

"Hey Donnie." He said, he sounded tired.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"I don't know. Couldn't." Raph said, shrugging his shoulders. "So how are you doin'? You've been eating lately."

"Yeah." Donnie said, rubbing his neck. He and Raph had never really spoken about his problem. "I guess.""Good." Raphael said, he smirked and looked up at his brother. "Keep it up."

Donatello nodded.

"Can I sit down?" He requested. Raphael nodded and Donnie sat down beside him, looking over. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Raphael said, shrugging.

There was an awkward moment of silence before he spoke again.

"I don't know how to act around you and Mike anymore." Raph said. "Everything's so confusing. I don't know what to say about any of this.""You don't have to say anything." Donnie said. "It won't last much longer…"

"You're so thin, Don. It's scaring me." Raphael confessed.

Donatello gulped, not wanting to talk about his weight at all. He knew that it he did probably look a bit skeletal, but he didn't like talking about it. Mostly because whenever someone said he was thin, his mind instantly went back to the dark place and argued with them. He shrugged.

"Well... I'm getting better." He said. "I'm trying."

Raphael nodded, but his eyes were not in it. He was staring at the ground, spacing out. He and Donatello were never the closest. They were friendly, and they loved each other obviously, but they never saw eye-to-eye on anything. Not like Raph and Leo. More as though their interest never crossed. Raphael liked being physical, Donnie liked using his mind. But somewhere along the Raphael forgot to pay attention, but like everyone else. He didn't notice how emaciated Donnie was until it was forced into his attention. Even then he denied it. He didn't think Donnie was capable of something so… brainless.

"Keep it up." Raphael said, patting Donatello on his shoulder. Don nodded. "I know that we aren't as chummy as we used to be, but I still care about cha."

Donatello smiled.

"I know that, Raph." He said, standing up. "I have to wake up Mikey. You wanna eat with us?"

"Sure." Raphael said, standing up as well.

They ate together at the kitchen table, and Leonardo joined in as well. They all had the cereal that Donatello picked, which was odd since none of them liked Raisin Bran. Mikey complained, saying that Donnie had the taste buds of an old man, and downed his cereal in so much sugar that it was the consistency of oatmeal. They had a good breakfast, laughing, talking… Just like they used to.

After they were finished Leo, Raph, and Mikey went to practice. Donatello decided to sit in, and was allowed to participate in some of the small, easy exercises until he got dizzy. Mikey tried five times as hard in his lesson, trying to keep up. His weight did hold him back, but he kept up with his other two brothers from sheer willpower. When training was finished they played videogames until lunch.

Donnie was happier then he'd ever been in months.

* * *

**More of a filler chapter than anything else... Just to fill in the spaces between Don and Mikey's deal and what's going to happen next. Hope you liked! I've been on a writing spree lately.**


	12. Chapter 12

Just a Shell

Chapter 12

* * *

Three more weeks passed alright for both brothers, though it was decided that Michelangelo would start sleeping in Donatello's room on a nightly basis. It was actually Mikey's idea, he didn't trust himself not to go and eat if he didn't. Donatello didn't mind. He loved being there for his little brother.

It was hard. Donatello couldn't believe how hard it was not to run away and hide whenever it was time to eat. There were days he wanted to fake sick, wanted to yell and scream, some days where he even wanted to take it out on Mikey. He held back. Instead, he smiled, and ate, and told Mikey what a great job his younger brother was doing. Some days he would eat less then he was supposed to, tell Mikey and Leo he had an upset stomach. They were pretty forgiving as long as he ate twice a day minimum.

It was just a normal lunch when Donatello's nerves cracked. He felt like he _had_ to get rid of what he ate, even though it had actually been his turn to chose their food. They got sushi. Mikey was allowed two small trays while Donatello ate one. He finished about half of it and threw the rest away. Michelangelo gave him a 'look' but didn't say anything. Technically Donatello _had_ eaten enough, since it was just lunch, not dinner. Besides, Mikey had a hard time calling Donatello on not eating.

Donatello went to the lab, telling his younger brother he had to finish something really quick and he'd be right out. When he got to his lab he looked around frantically. He didn't know why he had to do this, but he _did_. He felt it. If he didn't, he was going to be weaker and fatter than ever. Four weeks of food was finally getting to him, messing with his mind, and he _HAD_ to get it out of himself.

He found his trash can and leaned over it. After taking a deep breath. Donatello stuck his finger down his throat. He heaved twice before he felt retribution for the food he had eaten. He knew he'd have to be careful about this, if anyone found the evidence they'd be furious. He buried the vomit beneath some newspaper he found on his desk and then headed out.

Donatello had only taken two steps when he saw Raphael, glowering at his with so much anger in his eyes that Donnie actually felt compelled to run. The red-sashed ninja caught up with him in the living room, where Mikey stood up.

"What's wrong?""I thought you was doing better!" Raphael said, yelling. Donatello closed his eyes. "You've been lyin' to all of us!"

"…What?" Mikey asked, his eyes growing wide and hurt.

Donatello felt pinned, he gulped. Leonardo walked in, and before he could ay anything Raphael motioned to Donatello.

"He's been throwing up in his lab!" Raphael yelled.

Leonardo felt completely off-balance but the leader side of him took over.

"Raphael, calm down." he said, narrowing his eyes. Obviously he had no effect as Raphael looked over at Donatello, backing him into the wall.

"He's been using alla us!" he said. "He doesn't even _want_ to get better! He's lovin' all of this attention!"

Donatello's heart was racing, his entire body felt hot. Mikey was frozen on the couch. Leonardo was trying to assert himself to Raphael, but Raphael wasn't looking away from Donatello. Finally, the purple-sashed turtle just snapped.

"Don't even start!" He yelled. "It's not my fault! I didn't… This is the FIRST TIME IN WEEKS!"

He tried to straighten up, his body felt numb.

"You're the one who started ALL of this!" He yelled, pushing Raphael forcefully. He was weak, but his brother wasn't expecting it and went back five or six steps. "I HEARD you! I know what you said!"

"What are you _talking_ about?!" Raphael yelled.

"I'm lazy! I act like a pig, and I look like one too! Remember, _Raph_?" he yelled, pushing his brother once again. "I missed _one_ practice, I was distracted, and.. And…"

His heartbeat was starting to feel strange, irregular. Too fast one moment, too slow the next. But it was too late for him to stop, he was too angry to care.

"I _know_ I'm the weakest! I always have been! But… I was _trying_ to fix it!" he said. "If I hadn't… If I.. I…"

Donatello stumbled, barely catching himself on the coffee table, he fell to his knees. Raphael looked shaken, his eyes wide and he couldn't move, even though he was the closest to Donnie. Leo reached down to help him, but Donatello ignored his hand.

"It was working. For months I was starting to get… get better. I was still weak but I wasn't…" He forced himself to be standing again by himself. "But that didn't matter, did it? Then you started actually caring about me?"

He gulped, his mouth was getting dry. Donatello knew he was yelling, but only vaguely. He saw the hurt on everyone's faces.

"I'm never…." He stumbled but held his ground. The whole room spun around him. "I'm never going to be as strong as any of you… It doesn't matter _what_ I do!"

"Donnie you have to calm down." Leo said. "Just breath."

"Don't give me that!" Donatello yelled, covering his ears. "I don't _want_ to calm down!"

There was silence for a minute, then Donatello tripped again. This time he fell, and hit his head hard on the corner of the coffee table. He was only vaguely aware of the blood. He brought his hand to his head and felt the warm liquid. He saw spots clouding his vision. He heard his youngest brother gasp.

Michelangelo stood up, his eyes confused and scared, and he went to help his brother. Nothing else mattered, Donnie was hurt. He didn't care that his brother had lied to him. Donatello couldn't take seeing his brother still helping him, still reaching out to him. He had lied, cheated, and obviously hurt his dearest younger brother. He needed to get Mikey away from him. He pulled his arm away when Mikey reached for it.

"Don't touch me!" he yelled, he fell to the ground but glared at Mikey. "You know what? You are more of a pig then I _ever _was! You're disgusting! Don't you get it?"

Michelangelo's eyes instantly changed from worried and scared to traumatized, then wounded. He backed away quickly. All of his fears were confirmed in just a few words from his angry brother.

"Donatello you aren't being fair." Leonardo said, stepping forward. "This is all wrong. We… We have to get you to your bedroom. You need to lie down."

Donatello didn't answer, and when Leonardo tried to touch him he pulled away. No. He had started this. He was going to finish it. If they wanted to hate him, he was going to give them -real- reasons. Starting with the one brother he cared the most about.

"Everyone here is grossed out by you." He said, glaring at Mikey, who's eyes widened. "Don't fool yourself, all anyone cares about is how useful you are. Do you think you're useful, Mike?"

Leonardo looked helpless, staring at his youngest brother. Mikey was looking right at Donnie, as if no one else existed. Then he closed his eyes, shook his head. That's when Leo stepped between them.

Donatello blinked and looked up at his brothers. Raphael was still frozen. Mikey was trying not to cry, and failing. Leonardo was trying to stay calm and negate the negative emotions. When Donnie looked back to his older brother, the room started to spin and he held his head. He groaned and swore. These stupid things where supposed to stop when he started eating again, but they hadn't.

No one moved, all unsure of what to do. Raphael gulped and the growled.

"You're going to bed." He said, reaching down. When Donatello pushed him away he forcefully grabbed his brother's wrist. "I'm stronger then you!"

Donnie just laughed.

"Obviously." He said, rolling his eyes. Not the best idea as his head flashed with pain. He stood up shakily, but then started to fall again. Raphael kept him upwards.

"Don't hurt him." Mikey said, his voice shaking. Donatello sighed.

"Shut up, Mike." He said, leaning against Raphael. Nothing he did worked. Mikey still wanted to help him, for some reason.

Mikey stepped back another foot or two, avoiding his brother. He didn't care, Donatello could insult him all he wanted, as long as he was okay.

"Bring him to his room." Leo said. Raphael nodded, pretty much lifting Donnie. "Don't pay attention to him, Mikey. He's not in the right state of mind."

"I know what I'm saying." Donnie groaned, holding his head. "You just don't want to hear it."

Raphael sighed and pulled him forward, which shook him a bit. He felt like throwing up, but unfortunately he already had done so in his lab. He cried out as a his heart sped up, he tried to pull away. His head hurt so bad. He didn't want Raph to touch him. But, as had been stated, Raphael was stronger then him and he held strong. Donatello yelled, screeched even.

And then he fell limp as he passed out.

* * *

**Sad chapter... Sorry. =( Had to happen. I feel bad for Mikey too. DX**


	13. Chapter 13

Just a Shell

Chapter 13

* * *

When Donatello came to, he was lying in his bed with April hovering over him. She was hooking an IV into his arm. No one was looking at him, they didn't know he was awake.

"You should have told me about this earlier." she said to Leonardo, who was looking out the door. "He's malnourished, even though I think he was telling the trust about this being the first time in awhile that he has forced anything… Well…"

She sighed and packed up her things.

"You can keep the IV. I'll go. Thank you for calling me." she said, biting her lip. "He just had a panic attack, his heart beat fluctuated and he fainted."

"Don't tell Casey about this." Leonardo said. "This… This is a family matter. I don't want anyone to know who doesn't have too."

"I won't. Don't worry." April said. Her voice was soft and frightened. "Good luck. He should wake up soon. He doesn't have a concussion. He'll be okay with rest."

"Thank you." Leo said.

Donatello heard April say goodbye to Leo, and then repeat that goodbye to whoever was in the living room. Leonardo turned to Donatello, who opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Leonardo would know he was awake anyway.

"Are you alright?" Leonardo asked. Donatello didn't make a move. "Donnie…"

"Were are they?" Donatello asked.

"Raphael is gone. Mikey's in the living room." Leonardo said. "He… Hasn't stopped eating since you passed out. He won't talk to me."

"I'm sorry." Donatello said, still staring at the ceiling.

"Look, Donnie… I'm the one person in this house you _don't_ owe an apology too." Leonardo said, pulling a chair up beside the bed. "But for now, just rest. At least for an hour or two."

Don nodded and Leo stood up. Donnie looked at his arms. Bruises. From struggling with his red-sashed, angered brother.

"I'm going to go look for Raph. Mikey and Splinter are out there if you need them." he said. "Do you want me to send Mikey in here?"

"No." Donatello said sternly. "I can't face him right now, Leo. Not after what I said."

Leonardo nodded and sighed. He didn't know what to do. How could he be strong through all of this? Nothing about his family was okay. When he had spoken to Splinter about what had happened, his father had no answers. His teacher looked like he were crumbling, unable to help any of his sons, while all of them where hurting so badly. Right now he was sitting in the living room, watching Michelangelo stuff himself. He wasn't saying anything to his youngest son, there was no point. Mikey wasn't talking to anyone, and no one had the courage or heart to take food from him.

The good news, if they had to find any, was the Mikey didn't cry. Though, if one really thought about it, that wasn't such a good thing. At least if he cried, there would have been some sort of emotion, but there was nothing. He was just staring at the television, eating faster then Splinter had ever seen. He didn't try to hide like he had before, he must not have seen the point. Or maybe he just wanted the food so badly that hiding his eating would just get in the way. Either way, it was not good.

Splinter nodded to Leo as his eldest son left the house, wishing him luck in his hunt for his brother. He stood up and went to look in on Donatello, who was already fast asleep once again. The rat looked on with pained eyes, even though he knew this would happen. No one can heal overnight. He knew that his sons would stumble. He had hoped… that his fall wouldn't have been from so far above the ground. Now his sons were all hurting...

He sighed and sat down next to his sick son, looking at how thin and sickly Donatello had become. It wasn't right. How could he just sit here and watch this? How could anyone be expected to sit at the sidelines and watch their family fall apart? Watch their sons kill themselves? It just wasn't right.

* * *

Once his father was gone, Mikey went into the kitchen for more snacks. He didn't move under anyone's watchful eyes, he didn't want the attention. He felt numb, and he didn't know what to do about it besides eat. He knew… He knew with everything that he was that it was all his fault.

Donnie was getting _better_, he had started eating again and was even gaining back a little weight… Maybe not much, but it was a start. Michelangelo couldn't believe Raphael was right. Donatello hadn't been throwing up the entire time. Not for the last whole month. He believed Donatello, he was -sure- that this was the first time he had done that. But it was obvious why he had started again.

"It's me…" Mikey said to himself, looking at his reflection in the toaster and turning away. "He would be fine if he didn't have to be around me all the time."

He turned back to the fridge. Empty. The cupboards. All empty. He had eaten pretty much everything in the house. He took out a pint of milk and tipped it back. There was only about half of it left, so he didn't have to spend much time emptying it.

Who was the first one to find out about Donatello being sick? He was. He should have helped sooner, he could have kept it from being worse. He could have stopped all of this from happening if he had just done -something-. But no, he was too stupid to do anything besides tell his father. And then what? He started cramming his face with anything he could find. Now he was a blimp, and Donnie was disgusted by him.

If they hadn't made this stupid deal, maybe Donatello would have been okay, Mikey thought. He knew that sitting with him, watching him eat every day, **couldn't **have been good for Donatello. Michelangelo knew that Donnie was obsessed with weight, and he also knew that he wasn't exactly skinny right now. No wonder Donatello went back to throwing up. He didn't have a choice.

'_I have to do something… Donatello is sick and it's my fault.'_ Michelangelo thought, sitting back down on the couch. He still had enough food in the living room for a bit longer. He was already a pig, it didn't matter what he ate now, right? He sighed and looked over to Donatello's room, where Splinter had gone. _'I'm ruining the whole family.'_

He bit his lip and made up his mind. He couldn't stay here.

* * *

When Leonardo found Raphael, it didn't take much convincing to get his little brother to come home; which was surprising. The red-sashed turtle had been sitting in a pipe, looking down at his own hands. Leo just walked up and nudged him. Raph came back without a word, just a long sigh. He didn't speak until right before they reached the lair.

"I remember… I didn't think he could hear me." Raph said, not looking at his older brother. "He had gone to bed. I was frustrated. You know how many times I screwed up that day?"

"Don't beat yourself up about--"

"I **should** be beating myself up about it!" Raph yelled. "He's dying, Leo! And it's **my** fault!"

"No one I going to die. He fainted, but it was just a panic attack, he's fine." Leo told him, he tried to reach out and touch Raphael's shoulder, but his brother pulled away.

"He's not fine." Raph said solemnly. "I've been tryin' to pretend he is, but he ain't."

Rphael hung his head and gritted his teeth together. He hadn't wanted to believe any of this. Whenever Leo gave him those stupid pamphlets or lectured him to be nice to Donnie, he ignored it. He didn't believe that his brother could really be that bad. And who's fault was it that Donnie **got **that bad? His.

"He will be, though." Leonardo said softly. "He will. And so will Mikey. Everything will get better."

"How do you know that, huh?" Raph asked.

"Because…" Leo looked lost for a moment, then lifted his head. "Because it's Donnie, and it's Mikey. We know them. They won't give up without a fight.""Donnie already did." Raphael said bitterly.

"He fought." Leonardo corrected. "He fought, and he lost. We all knew he might. But he can try again. If we can keep cheering him on, I'm sure he'll keep fighting.""And Mikey? He sure as shell looked like he was givin' up when I left." Raphael said, remembering Mikey sitting there like a zombie, curled up in the fetal position. Not crying, not moving. He went and got food after awhile, but he wouldn't talk to anyone. Leonardo sighed.

"Mikey might take longer to convince, but he's stronger then all of us combined." Leonardo said, and he believed that was true. "We're talking about the Battle Nexus champ here."

Raphael nodded, and Leo pushed him towards the lair.

"We just have to keep moving forward. We'll put this behind us and move on." Leo said.

They walked into the lair, where Mikey was sitting on the couch. The youngest turtle actually paused his eating for a moment when they came in, which was more life then he'd showed for hours, but then he went back to eating and staring into space. Raphael couldn't sit and watch. Thankfully, Splinter came out from Donnie's room and motioned for Raph and Leo.

"We must speak." He said. "Let us come into my room."

* * *

They were in Splinter's room, both with their legs crossed, both with their heads down, and both with their fists clenched.

"My sons, your brothers are crumbling." Splinter said. "You two must be the pillars of our home. For your brothers."

"Yes, sensei." Leonardo said. "But what should we do?"

Raphael kept his head low, his eyes glaring at his hands, which were shaking. He'd never been told he was a 'pillar' before, and when he finally was, he felt weaker then he'd ever been in his life. It just wasn't right.

"You're brothers are so different, but so alike. Though their actions are complete opposites, deep down their problems stem from the same place." Splinter said. "Where is that, I wonder?"

Raphael took a breath.

"Donatello started because of me." He said, letting it out shakily. "He overheard somethin' I said. Somethin' I didn't mean."

Splinter nodded.

"I know you didn't mean what you said, Raphael." He said. "And I can assure you that deep down, your brother knows this, as well. He is hurt and confused, but his problems are not on your shoulders alone."

There was a loud knock on the door, and before Splinter could tell the person to enter, it threw itself open. Donatello was leaning against the doorframe, his body looked limp and useless, barely standing. His breaths were labored, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He clenched a note in one hand.

"Mikey's gone." he managed to gasp out. "He left."

* * *

**A/N: Nothing much to say about this chapter. When it rains, it pours? Yeah... Reviews please!! 3**


	14. Chapter 14

Just a Shell

Chapter 14

* * *

_Dear bros,_

_I can't stay here. I'm making everything worse. If I leve [leave], Donnie will get better, and you guys can be a family again. Don't worry, I'll come back. If I go, then I won't be able to eat anymore, and when I lose enough wait [weight] then I'll come home again. It will all be okay soon, I promice [promise]. Don't bother looking for me, I'm gonna stay hidden and you won't be able to find me._

_-Mikey_

_*  
_

Even though Donatello automatically corrected Michelangelo's spelling in his mind, the words still struck him with instant fear. All three brothers and their father read the letter, feeling a mixture of confusion and horror. Mikey was in danger out there, the Foot could be searching for him that very moment, and he was weaker then usual. Splinter told Donatello to stay, while the three of them swept the sewers, but Donatello couldn't do that. It was his fault his little brother had left. He couldn't just sit there and wait, twiddling his thumbs while his brother could be hurt.

So after his brothers and father left, he followed suit. He didn't know where Mikey would have gone, but he went the opposite direction oh his brothers. He didn't care how long it took, he had to find Mikey. He had to apologize now, before it was too late. Donatello was slow, he stumbled a lot, and the sewer kept spinning around him, but he didn't care.

The normally familiar sewers were foreign and frightening. Every time he turned he felt like he was further and further from his goal. Mikey was nowhere to be found, and Donatello felt nauseous.

Then he saw them. It was only a few seconds from them being all the way down the sewer to surrounding him. The Foot. All around him. And he was left defenseless. He had his bo, but he was currently using it to keep himself standing upright, and he almost positive that he wouldn't be able to keep standing without it.

He saw the desire in their eyes. They saw he was weak. He wouldn't be able to put up a fight. They had been trying to capture him for years, and here he was on a platter, with no way to fight back. The first one came from behind, kicking the back of his legs. Donatello fell forward, almost falling all the way down but catching himself on his elbows and knees.

The next hit wasn't as gentle. The man aimed for his head, stamping on it with his foot. Donatello's face hit the hard metal without anything to soften the blow. He tasted blood, and he knew that it was bad. He cried out and tried to push himself up, only to be kicked to the side and fall onto his back.

"Get away from him!"

Donatello heard the voice, and suddenly his wounds were meaningless. He felt no pain. Mikey was okay.

"Mikey… Don't…" He groaned, looking through the eye that could open.

Mikey ignored him and jumped between his attacker and held his ground. He put up a good fight, he managed to knock seven guys onto their butts. Unfortunately, their were thirty Foot, and only one Michelangelo. Donatello was left to watch helplessly while they all trampled over his younger brother, beating him to a pulp. Donnie tried to stand, tried to get to Mikey, to help his brother, but he couldn't. He couldn't even move.

They kicked and punched until Michelangelo stopped moving. Donatello screamed, pushing himself upwards. He had to get to Mikey. Then he saw his brothers. Raph and Leonardo jumped between the attackers and Michelangelo now, fighting them back. Splinter followed steed.

Donatello crawled closer, the Foot stomped onto his hand, but he didn't stop. He kept inching towards Michelangelo, and then pulled himself on top of his brother. He lowered his head onto Michelangelo's chest. Mikey was unconscious, but his breaths were even, his heart was beating. Comforted by that fact, Donatello let himself fall into darkness, protecting his baby brother with his own body.

* * *

Mikey woke with a throbbing headache, wondering where he was. When he saw the living room ceiling he blinked his confusion. He had left the lair, hadn't he?

"Mikey!" Leo said, wrapping his arms around him. "Thank goodness."

Michelangelo smiled for a minute and then sat up.

"What am I doing here?!" he asked urgently. "I have to go.""No." Leonardo said sternly. "Mikey, you're injured, and you're vulnerable."

"Where's Donnie?" Michelangelo asked, remembering how injured his older brother had been.

"He's asleep. Raph's with him, he's fine." Leonardo said.

"I **can't **be here when he wakes up." Michelangelo said, standing up. He felt all the food he'd eaten hours ago trying to crawl up his throat, but he swallowed it along with a bit of blood. "It'll make him worse."

"He'll get worse if you disappear." Leonardo corrected. "He went out looking for you. We told him to stay here, we went, and he went anyway. He needs you."

Mikey sat down when Leo nudged him backwards. He drew his legs into his body, and found that one of his ankles was actually twisted. In his worry, he hadn't noticed the pain when he was standing.

"Donnie won't be able to get better if I'm here, reminding him of everything he hates." He said, biting his lip. "He'll keep throwing up, he'll start not eating again. He'll _die_ if I stay."

Leonardo sighed and pushed Michelangelo back further, making his lay down. Mikey whimpered and tried to shake his head in disagreement, but the commanding stare that Leonardo gave him made him stay down.

"He loves you." Leonardo said, picking up a washcloth and wiping Mikey's forehead with it. His little brother was beginning to get a fever. "No one wants you to leave. I told you, he wasn't in the right state of mind."

"He…he said he meant it." Michelangelo said, closing his eyes.

"He said a lot of things." Leo said. "But he regrets them. He told me he did. He just wanted to protect you."

Michelangelo fell silent, unable to answer that, but screaming in his mind. Why would Donatello want to protect him?

* * *

Meanwhile, in Donatello's room, Raphael was busily washing out his brother's wounds, wrapping them. He wasn't as bad as it looked. The only serious injuries where his face, and those where just cuts and two shiny black eyes. One of his legs was broken, Raphael had to splint it and wrap it. He didn't even get any of his teeth knocked out, which was lucky considering how weak they had gotten from throwing up so much.

When he was done fixing Donnie up, he just sat beside him, looking at his brother. He was so thin, frail-looking. He could see the bones in his fingers, and even his lower legs too. There was barely any fat or muscle on his body.

"You're stupid, Donnie." He said, shaking his head. "So stupid. I don't care how smart you are."

He placed his forehead on Donatello's shell, listening to him breath. He found little comfort in that. Donatello was breathing, but for how much longer? If he didn't eat, didn't keep his food down... Not much longer.

"I'm sorry…" He said, he let a tear escape. He didn't care about being tough anymore. He just wanted his brother back. "I'm so sorry…"

"Me… too." Donatello's voice called out faintly. "It's… not your… fault, Raph."

"Yes it is…" Raphael said, growling it out. "I said those things."

"You didn't mean them… Did you?" The last two words came out full of hope, but it was thin hope. As if he were trying to convince himself.

"No, Donnie. No. I didn't mean any of it. I just say stupid things." he said. "You know I never think before I talk. Half of what I say don't make any sense."

"I know." Donatello said, sitting up a bit. "Is Michelangelo okay? Is he awake?"

"Not the last time I saw him, but he might be now." Raphael said, standing up and covertly wiping his tears away. "You wanna see him? I can help yah."

Donatello nodded and reached out to his brother, knowing he wasn't going to stand up on his own with the splint and his feebleness. Raphael lifted him up and let him lean against himself as they made their way to the living room. Leo looked up as they walked in and smiled.

Donatello stumbled over to the couch using Raphael as a crutch. When Mikey saw him the younger brother blushed and looked away, pulling the blanket that was on his legs up to his chin.

"Mikey…" Donatello whispered, sitting down at Michelangelo's feet.

"Uh… We'll go." Leonardo said, motioning for Raphael to follow him out of the room. Neither of the younger brothers said anything as the two older ones left.

They sat in silence for awhile, until Donatello finally spoke up.

"I'm so sorry, Mike…" He said, looking at the ground. "I didn't mean what I said, I swear. I just… I was scared, and I didn't want anyone near me… I wanted you to hate me."

"I don't…" Mikey said, his voice soft. "I couldn't hate you."

"You should, for what I said." Donatello told him. "I know it hurt you. I'm sorry.""I deserved it, anyway." Mikey said, shrugging. "You were right. I'm pretty useless. I couldn't defend you, could I?"

"Mikey…" Donatello said, lowering his head. "You aren't worthless. You're worth everything to me. I wouldn't be here without you."

Michelangelo bit his lip and fiddled with his hands, not knowing what to say.

"I… I'm making you worse." He said. Donatello didn't let him continue.

"No you aren't. You made me better, don't you get it? I wouldn't have started eating if it weren't for you. I would have kept starving myself, eating nothing but toast and water." he shook his head. "I screwed up. I'm sorry. But I swear it was only that one time, and it wasn't your fault."

A moment of stillness, and then Mikey nodded.

"Okay…" He said. "I… I don't know what to say…"

Donatello heard the tears building up in Mikey's throat.

"We'll get through this, Mike." Donatello promised, taking his brother's hand. "We'll do it together."

"I hate this." Mikey said, shaking. "I don't want to be so messed up.""I know." Donnie said, smiling a bit. "Me either."

They sat in silence for a minute, then Michelangelo sat up, pushing back the blanket. He looked at his arms and legs, then he looked over at Donatello's.

"I'm really big." He said, Donatello noticed his younger brothers blush before Mikey looked away.

This knocked Donatello for a loop. Not because Michelangelo said it, or because he thought it wasn't true (Because it was true, Mikey had gained a lot of weight), but because he hadn't really noticed. For three months now, Michelangelo had been eating almost non-stop, and he was bigger from it. His arms and legs where soft, he had a double chin, and his thighs almost touched… And Donnie hadn't even care. If anyone in the world where going to spot out these things and criticize Mikey for it, wouldn't it be Don? Wasn't this the one thing he'd been paying such close attention to for -months-? But… He really hadn't. He yelled at Mikey earlier, called him a pig, but that was more about how Michelangelo was eating, not how much he weighed.

"Yeah." Donnie said. "And I'm really small."

Mikey sighed and leaned forward, blinking a few times. He must have been dizzy.

"We should both get some sleep." Donatello noted, patting Mike on the head. "We'll deal with this later?"

"Yeah…" Michelangelo said.

"…Can you sleep in my room?" Donatello asked. "It's cold without you for some reason."

Mikey smiled and stood up, staying off his bad ankle as he helped Donnie up. They stumbled to the stairs, but realized neither of them could get up the stairs, even with each other. One with a bad ankle, one with a broken leg, and both of them weak. They called out to their brothers to help.

As they lay side-by-side on Donatello's bed, Donnie looked down at his younger brother. He was everything Donatello was afraid of being, wasn't he? Mikey was fat. No way around it, Don thought as he looked down at the youngest turtle. Then why didn't Donatello hate him?

He looked at Mikey's cherubic face with a smile. He didn't hate Mikey. Neither did Leonardo or Raphael. That was what finally clicked in his mind. It didn't matter what the brothers looked like, or how beneficial they were to the team, they were brothers, and they all loved each other.

Michelangelo was overweight, and Donatello loved him. That was all that mattered. And he would keep loving him. It would be the same if the positions were flipped, Mikey would love him. Donatello finally realized that. He smiled and brought his hand up to Mikey's face, feeling how soft and round it was and he smiled.

"We're gonna get better…" He repeated to himself, Mikey was asleep. "We really are, I promise Mikey..."

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know the order of the middle two brothers (Raph and Donnie) is a debatable subject. XD That's why I hadn't used any younger and older subtext with them until this chapter. I'm sure no one really cares THAT much, so I made Donnie younger, even tough that is not as popular… I've been building up to this ****chapter sin****ce the very beginning. Donatello finally realizes his brothers would love him no matter what, thanks to Mi****chelangelo's ****cir****cumstan****ce. Awww. How sweet.  
**


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